Johnny English

Synopsis: Rowan plays the eponymous lead character in a spoof spy thriller. During the course of the story we follow our hero as he attempts to single-handedly save the country from falling into the hands of a despot.
Director(s): Peter Howitt
Production: Universal Pictures
  6 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
87 min

[Dogs Barking]

[Toys Squeaking]

[Dogs Whimpering]

[Guns Cocking]

Ah, the Heckler & Koch G-36.

Quite deadly in the right hands.

Ah, Agent One.

I have been so looking

forward to this moment.

Well, in that case,

I'll try not to disappoint.

You overestimate your power

over women, Mr English.

I'd say that would be

virtually impossible.

Sir? Sir?

- Sir! Have you got them?

- [Gasps]

- Hmm?

- The mission documents. Agent One's flying tonight.

Yes, the mission documents.

They're here somewhere. Ah, here we are.

Agent One.


I'm here for my documents.

Bough, Agent One's

documents, please.

- [Clears Throat]

- Thank you.

Your mission documents,

Agent One.

Including the codes for the submarine

hatch, which I've checked myself.

Thank you.

So, is it just France tonight, or will you

be slipping over the Pyrenees as well?

If I told you that,

I'm afraid I'd have to kill you.


[Nervous Chuckle]

[Muttering] Oh, yes, yes.

Well, I expect you would.

Cheerio, Agent One.

Bonne chance.


Such class.

Such distinction.

[Bell Tolling] To: MI7 All Depts. Urgent!

Agent One killed in action in Biarritz.

Submarine hatch failed to open.

The greatest secret agent England's

ever had snuffed out in an instant.


Do you know what makes us envied

the world over, Bough?

- That there's always another agent waiting to step in.

- Absolutely, sir.

And every last one of them

is gathered around that grave.

It is our honour and privilege

to guard them while they grieve.

Their lives are in our hands, Bough.

[Tyres Screeching]

Everything in order, English?

I think you'll find it's rather

more than just in order, sir.

You're now entering the most secure

location in the whole of England.

[Cow Mooing]

[Man] Pegasus,

we face a national crisis.

Agent One was clearly onto something,

and we have to find out what.

I need another agent on this.

Who else is there?

No one, Prime Minister.

They all died in the explosion.

All of them?

Well, luckily there is

one who survived.


# One eye on the shadows #

# Protecting his fellows #

- # From sunup till the moon on his back #

- [Grunting]

- # Sendin' villains to Hades a hit with the ladies #

- Johnny English.

# A stallion in the sack #

- # You can't get your life back when right follows left, Jack #

- [Groaning]

# The more you see

the less you know #

# When others would leak it

His service is secret #

# Plays God

when it's your time to go #

# Hey, fellas

Don't be jealous #

# When they made him

they broke the mould #

# So charismatic

with an automatic #

# Never prematurely

shooting his load #


# Queen and country

safe and sound #

# With villains

six feet underground #

# And no one knows 'cause

no one's found any trace #

# Of a man for all seasons #

# Loves 'em

and leaves 'em alone #

# So alone #

# And you and I wouldn't have a clue

who's doin' what, why, when and who #

# Up a creek with no canoe

Watch out #

# For the man

for all seasons #

# Loves 'em

and leaves 'em alone #

# So alone #

- # But safe at home #

- # But safe at home #

- # Oh, yeah, yeah #

- # But safe at home #

# But safe at home

But safe at home #

# Then you and I wouldn't have a clue

who's doin' what, why, when and who #

# Up a creek with no canoe

Watch out #

# For the man

for all seasons #

# Loves 'em and leaves 'em

alone, so alone #

# But safe at home ##


Johnny English.

I'm here to see Pegasus.

Still, no sense rushing things.

There are some items you need

to sign before your briefing.

This is your new retinal I.D. card,

Rate this script:(2.43 / 7 votes)

Neal Purvis


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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Johnny English" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 8 Aug. 2020. <>.

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