Johan Page #3

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No Johan

Don't be sorry.

I know, I am your only mirror.

But what I love in you is everything:

Your beauty,

your narcissism,

your lies and

the tattoo on your forehead.

If you had been

only a sex champion,

I would ha ve left you

as I did the others.

You talk to me about a new start,

a different love,

another friendship.

Is it necessary?

From the beginning

our relationship made me happy.

You know that when you leave jail

I'll be there for you

and if you want

we can start a new life together.

Johan,

I am glad you have cured me

of this need for cruising

that begins with a drink in

the Cafe de Flore

and finishes by a jerk off

in a public garden.

It becomes an obsession

never satisfied.

Thanks to you,

my obsession has changed;

now it's to feel you

again at my side.

My love affair before you

was Manolo in New York.

New York...

It is easy for a gay man

to discover a new town.

It is one of our advantages.

We meet people.

Gay bars, night clubs,

and finally the sauna

where I stayed 24 hours

until I was exhausted.

The most hidden of my desires

had been satisfied.

Later in the street, I met Manolo.

Tired of sex,

I was available for love.

We didn't leave each other.

The smells were like

in an African town.

He had a balcony

that overlooked Manhattan.

Why did you lea ve Cuba?

I left Cuba because

I had recited a poem

in a TV programme,

and I was arrested,

It was a poem about old people.

I was arrested, I had troubles

and fortunately I succeeded in

escaping and leaving the country.

They said it was against

the system?

Yes they did

but I didn't understand why.

And was it hard for homosexuals?

Yes, I have known some

homosexuals from Cuba

who were obliged to do

hard labour for seven years

to be able to leave the country.

If somebody discovers

that you are gay,

a neighbour for example,

he can inform on you.

And then it's written

on your identity card forever.

Manolo had been

a child star on Cuban TV.

Now he is free and a student.

The atmosphere is different today...

Houses, chimneys,

everything is different today,

because I told them you are here.

I was happy.

We drank Californian wine,

and in the evening,

the Empire state Building

lit up only for us.

We had such a good time.

At night, after a Broadway show,

he took me to a leather bar.

If you want to leave with

another boy, you can.

I don't want to oblige you

to sta y with me.

I don't want to own you.

I don't understand.

He told me that I could go with

another bo y if I wanted to;

he wanted me to make the most

of my holidays.

I played the free game.

I went awa y with a guy

who had a nice body.

The next day Manolo and I

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