Joe Dirt

Synopsis: Joe Dirt is a janitor with a mullet hairdo, acid-washed jeans and a dream to find the parents that he lost at the Grand Canyon when he was a belligerent, trailer park-raised eight-year-old. Now, blasting Van Halen in his jacked-up economy car, the irrepressibly optimistic Joe hits the road alone in search of his folks. As his wandering, misguided search takes him from one hilarious misadventure to another, Joe finds his way to Los Angeles, where a shock-jock brings Joe on his radio show to insult him. But as Joe's life story unfolds, jeers turn to cheers, and an entire captivated city tunes in to hear the adventures of Joe Dirt.
Director(s): Dennie Gordon
Production: Columbia Pictures
  1 win & 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
91 min

Turn it up.


That's what I'm talking about. L.A.!

Radio station ID.

Coming to work. Joe Dirt.

Don't try and church it up, son.

Don't you mean Joe Dirt?

Naming you that, your daddy

must have really hated you.

You're wrong, brother.

I got a good name

for this car:

- Shit'll buff out.

- Don't bother.

Drive this piece of crap off a cliff.

Do us all a favor.

This look like a piece of crap

to you?!

You like them spinning tires?

- You suck!

- You do!

Did he hurt you, baby?

People like that security guard

don't really mean what they say.

They just got their own issues.

All's I got to do is keep

being a good person.

No matter what,

good things'll come my way.

Everything will happen for me, as long

as I never have "no" in my heart.

Can't a guy even take a dump

in peace? Psycho.

- Fucking cocksucker.

- Right on.

Things are going to happen for me.

I'm Joe Dirt!

I'm going to the restroom

to take a big Joe.

Don't forget to wipe your dirt.

You boys got something to say?

Why don't you talk in the microphone?

I got a backup mike right here.

Check, one, two. Testing, testing.

They both work and they don't

like no feedback. What's up?

What's going on? Keep it down.

Zander Kelly's on the air.

What's the deal with your haircut?

I'm sorry about the noise, sir.

This ain't no haircut. This is a wig.

A wig... Look at you.


I got somebody I want you to meet.

Come with me.

Come on back.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

This is Zander Kelly.

You're listening to 98.6, KXLA.

All-aberration radio, all the time.

Zander. You got to see this guy.

God almighty! Manna from

inbred heaven. Hey, freak-boy.

It wants its hairstyle back.

Zander, get this: This is a wig.

What are you wearing a wig for? You

doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?

Freddy, go get "Free Bird"- boy here

an all-access laminate...

...for the show in perpetuity. I'm

wringing this chamois as long as I can.

You are exquisitely pathetic.

What's your name, pal?

Joe Dirt, but if you're just gonna make

fun of me, I'll go back to mopping.

Sit down. Let me take another tact.

Mr. Dirt, what's with the wig?

I was born without the top of my skull.

A little bit of my brains was showing,

grossing everybody out.

So my mom put this wig on me

to cover it up...

...and then the bones grew together...

...and it got all infused and entwined.

I don't mean to get all scientific

or whatever.

Why didn't your mom

change the wig later?

Actually, we got separated

when I was eight. I got lost.

You been on your own

since eight years old?

Pretty much.

It's a long story, actually.

Listen to you.

What's the story here?

"I'm a white-trash idiot. " The end.

Is this where you want to be when Jesus

comes back, making fun of Joe Dirt?

Probably, because I'm sure Yahweh

would be chiming in too.

Funny, because my mom used to say that

if she caught me doing stuff.

Like one time, I was jerking

my gherkin... Can I say that?

She goes, "Is this where you want

to be when Jesus comes back?"

A real winner. It's amazing to me

you turned out like you did...

...with that sort of mentoring.

I can't say don't make fun of me...

...but you shouldn't make fun

of my mom.

Guys, you got to hear this guy

on the Zander show.

You're on your own.

The family's ditched you. What next?

Do you really care? It's actually not

an easy story to tell.

I got four hours a day to fill, man.

It's not often I get a freak

plopped into my lap.

Go ahead. I'm a roast. Baste me.

All right, man.

My parents, my sister and I

all went to the Grand Canyon.

Rate this script:(5.00 / 1 vote)

David Spade

David Wayne Spade (born July 22, 1964) is an American actor, stand-up comedian, writer, and television personality. He rose to fame in the 1990s as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, then began a successful acting career in both film and television. He also starred or co-starred in the films Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Joe Dirt, Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser, Grown Ups, and Grown Ups 2, among others. He has been part of an ensemble cast of two long-running sitcoms: Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003) and Rules of Engagement (2007–2013). Additionally, he starred as C. J. Barnes in the sitcom 8 Simple Rules (2004–2005). In animation, he voiced Kuzco in the 2000 film The Emperor's New Groove and its direct-to-video sequel, Kronk's New Groove and the red panda Aliur in Snowflake, the White Gorilla. His comedic style, in both his stand-up material and acting roles, relies heavily on sarcasm and self-deprecation. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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