Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work Page #3

or, "We cremated Bernice."

- Yeah, "cremated"

I think is good.

- I hope that the play

is a huge success.

I think the play

will remind them

I'm an actress.

I'm a writer.

And if we get great reviews,

it will open up

a million other things.

"One of my earliest memories,

I must have been,

"tops, six years old.

"My mother took me to see

Paul Robeson in Othello,

"and I remember smelling

the smells of the theater,

and I thought,

'This is where I belong."'

I was in every school play.

I was in everything

you could do at college.

There was never a discussion

in my own head

of where I was going,

and it was always acting.

Always going to be an actress.

- Were you-were you-you were

straight acting or comedy?

No, no, comedy, never.

I just knew that I could work

as a comedian at night

and make money to make

the rounds as an actress.

And that's the only reason

I went into comedy.

Sometimes I sit at home,

and I think to myself,

"Joan, yes, you're a diva.

You're a diva.

"Penthouse, limo, furs.

Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff."

But a diva can get lonely.

And I say this to my staff,

I say, "Staff..."

I don't know any of their names,

because they're like you people.

They come.

They go.

Sometimes I say to them,

"Staff, I'm lonely.

Who's going to f*** me tonight,

staff?"

Oh!

That's their reaction.

Yes, yes, yes.

This is delicious, huh?

This is Kevin,

who runs my house,

also without asking me anything.

Thank God.

That is Debbie,

his wife, over there,

who really is the brains

behind Kevin.

We thought you should know.

It's true.

It's bacon, you idiot.

This is my apartment,

and it's very grand.

This is how Marie Antoinette

would have lived

if she had had money.

- You try to explain to people

before you go to her house,

"What you're about to see,

nobody lives like this.

"Maybe the queen of England,

but besides that,

nobody lives like this."

- I live very, very, very well.

That's to start with.

I enjoy my creature comforts.

And I know I have to work

for it.

I could stop and live carefully,

but that's ridiculous.

I don't want to live carefully.

So I would rather work

and live the way I live

and have a wonderful time.

- When I hear the numbers

from her accountant,

because, you know,

behind our client's back,

everyone's whispering.

So they called me,

and they said,

"Billy, you've got to pull

another rabbit out of the hat."

"How many rabbits would you like

out of the hat?

I don't have that many

more rabbits in my hat."

- When I first hit

on the Carson show years ago,

my manager then was a man

named Jack Rollins,

and he said, "You're going

to be an industry.

When people hit,

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