Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Page #3
JAY:
Hell yeah, b*tch.
(beat)
Wait a second--what money?
BRODIE:
The money from the movie, dumb-ass.
JAY:
What the f*** are you babbling about?
BRODIE:
(pulling a bagged-and-boarded issue down from the wall)
The Bluntman and Chronic movie.
(dawns on him)
Oh my God--don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic
you two were the basis for.
JAY:
What?! Since when?
BRODIE:
Goddamit, man--
(taps his wrist)
Here's the pulse, alright. And here's your finger--
(shoves his hand down the back of his pants)
--far from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass.
(extracts hand and extends it to Jay)
Say--would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
Brodie leads them back to the counter.
BRODIE:
You see, kids, if you read Wizard, you'd know it's the top story this month. Check it out.
Brodie hands Jay and Silent Bob a copy of Wizard, opened to the headline: Snootchie
Bootchies! Bluntman and Chronic Get Big Screen Treatment! There are pictures of
HOLDEN MCNEIL AND BANKY EDWARDS, as well as drawings of Bluntman and
Chronic.
JAY:
When the f*** did this happen?!
BRODIE:
Well, after X-Men hit at the box office, all the studios started buying up every comic
property they could get their hands on. Miramax optioned Bluntman and Chronic.
JAY:
Miramax? I thought they only made classy flicks like The Piano and The Crying Game?
BRODIE:
Yeah, well once they made She's All That, everything went to hell. So you're saying you
haven't gotten a cut of the movie? Didn't Holden McNeil and Banky Edwards used to
pay you likeness rights for the comic book?
JAY:
We haven't seen a f***ing dime for no movie!
BRODIE:
Well boys, I'm no lawyer, but I think Holden and Banky owe you some of the proverbial
phat cash. I mean they're making a movie based on characters that are based on you and
Quiet Robert.
JAY:
It ain't me and Quiet Robert. It's a pair of stupid-ass superheroes that run around saying
"Snitchy-Nitchies" or something.
BRODIE:
I believe it "Snootchie Boochies." Regardless--you're getting screwed. If I was you
guys, I'd confront Holden McNeil and ask him for my movie check.
JAY:
Sh*t yeah. We gotsa get paid.
BRODIE:
And on that note, we cue the music.
Jay lays down a House bass beat. Brodie complements it with his own beat.
EXT. POTZER'S INC--DAY
Jay and Silent Bob mosey past the front door of the building and knock.
INT. POTZER'S INC--DAY
Holden McNeil, opens the door and smiles.
HOLDEN:
Well! I have been waiting years to do this.
(smiles)
Look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Smells like someone sh*t in their cereal.
Bunngg!
Jay and Silent Bob enter. Holden closes the door, following them.
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"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jay_and_silent_bob_strike_back_877>.
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