Jack And Jill vs. The World

In fairy tales,

happiness is there for the taking.

Slay the dragon,

save the princess.

Live happily ever after.

Today, we're talking about booze.

Beer, spirits, plonk?

Some call it moonshine or screech.

Name your poison.

How much can you drink?

What does it make you do?

... segment brought...

you... Klubendorff Beer...

Once upon a time,

there was a young man named Jack,

and Jack took the pursuit

of happiness very seriously.

See, in Jack's world,

happiness came with a price tag:

fancy cars,

designer suits.

Jack had it all.

The only thing Jack never bought

was the old adage "The best

things in life are free. "

Can you blame him?

And by his standards,

he was a success.

Move it!

His happiness was

beautifully uncomplicated.

The part of Prince Charming

was not for Jack.

The condo, the clothes,

the car, the coffee,

the career... his life.

It all worked...

on paper, at least.

What's up, bird?

What are you doing,

just eating garbage?

Shitting everywhere?

Hey, man, I feel you.

Still, that flying thing.

That's gotta be pretty good, right?

Hello? Hi.

Can you hear me now?

What about now?

Oh, great. Yes.

I was calling you back

about that room for rent.

Uh-huh. Yeah, sure, hold on.

Oh! Sh*t!

Are you still there? Hello?

Ugh!

Ahem.

Nice kick.

Are you all right?

I'm sorry. I'm having...

I'm having the worst day.

Can you help me with something?

I'm, uh... I'm a little lost.

But in life, as much as you try to hide,

complications will inevitably find you.

You know that's

a subway map, right?

What? It's got streets on it.

Right, but it's mainly used for,

you know... the subway.

Okay.

When Jack met Jill,

he took their meeting at face value.

Hey, Jackass, we missed you.

There's some serious talent over there.

- Have we cast yet?

- Some maybes, but no.

Snack, crackle, pop.

She's our girl, George.

Trying to make a play here?

I'm just saying she's our girl.

'Cause if you are,

I'll tell Sally to cancel dinner.

What's dinner got to do...

Wait.

Is this another one of those...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, it is.

Sure, there had been other girls,

but Jack had been able to navigate

through those situations unscathed.

It's like our hormones are going

"Boingo! Boingo! Time to be Mommy!"

Boingo? Boingo?

I don't think I've

heard that expression.

I've heard "Boing."

No, but that's the sound

a kangaroo makes.

You are so adorable!

I'm gonna run to the little boys' room.

But when I come back,

I want to get to the bottom

of this "Boingo Boingo" business, okay?

Ah!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Do you mind?

We're holding for the voice-over.

"Welcome to the Klub."

And cut.

Jill, what happened to the lotion?

Excuse me.

Do you mind?

Oh! Oh, my gosh!

Cut.

Sorry.

Okay, first positions, everyone.

- Action!

- Excuse me.

Cut.

- I'm sorry.

- Cut.

- Cut!

- I'm sorry.

Look, here's what we're gonna do.

She comes down,

and the bathing-suit top has to stay on

so she can roll to hand it.

What we do is we

double-side tape.

Am I screwing up?

I mean, if I had another arm, I could...

They're just figuring some stuff out.

Or she could go...

God, you'd think they were

solving world hunger.

It's much more important than that.

All right. We're gonna tie the top.

So I just made it to Manhattan,

so I'm still figuring it all out.

But I used to come here as a kid.

I'd beg my parents to take me here.

I'm just so happy to be here. Wow!

Oh! This is great!

So I was a sophomore

at Syracuse, and...

As much as he tried to fight it,

Jack couldn't helped

but be charmed by Jill.

...about acting, you know? So I quit.

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