Inside the Bank Job

Genre: Short
22 min

Another "Terry Leather

Low Mileage" done.

Good you're glad, but have you all

sorted out for your wedding tomorrow?

Yeah, of course, Terry.

New suit, two buttons,


Ingrid will like that.

So, you're getting

married tomorrow, Ingrid?

I hope so.

Go on, get off now.

Go make yoursef more beautiful

than you already are.

If that's possible.


Promise you won't get Eddie

too legless tonight, will you?

At his stag do?

(bachelor party)

We're just going round the pub,

couple of pints and a sing song.

Oh, f***...

F*** it, what are you

trying to do to me, eh?

I've got Jessul's money.

The Problem is,

it's tied up in these cars,

and you wankers want to

trash the lot of 'em.

Mr. Jessul doesn't care about

your inventory.

Mr. Jessul wants to know

that he's getting paid.

Any day, I swear, Perky.

What did you call me?

I called you Perky, Perky!

Everyone calls you Perky,

and him Pinkey.

- Pinkey and Perky?

- Yeah.

They're f***ing cartoon pigs

on the telly,

what, people call us

that behind our backs?

Well, I'm not gonna say it to your face,

aren't I?

Well, you just bloody did!

Yeah well, you got me rolled.

I'm very intimidated.

Don't make us come back again.

Not every customer is

a satisfied customer.

What are you doing

here, my dear Martine?

What are you doing tonight?


Tonight is Eddie's stag do.

Taking him out for a drink.


I've got a proposition for you, Terry.

A proposition?

Can you meet me at the Player's Club

before you see the boys?

And I'll fill you in on the details.

Make it 9 o'clock.

- Morning, Gale.

- Good morning, Tim.

Top floor?

Summoned by the gods?

Something like that.

Got up to your new

mistress this weekend?

I don't know what you're talking about,

I'm a married man.

What do you think,

am I presentable?

Not sure about the tie, darling.

What's this?

"Peace and Love"?

Too much of that nonsense

and we're both out of our job.

Michael Abdul Malik.

Calls himself Michael X,

in homage to Malcolm X,

his American counterpart.

The Pinko (socialist) press would

have us believe this Michael X

is a crusading champion

of the poor and oppressed.

And the black Robin Hood

of Notting Hill.

The richer, whiter and more famous,

they will all fall over him

The truth is, he's a slum landlord,

a drug dealer

and a vicious pimp who should have

been in prison years ago.

Are you not charging outrageous rents

to my brothers and sisters, Mr. Brown?

I'm charging the same as your

slum-lord friend Lew Vogel.

Ten quids a week is too

much for these shitholes.

You know,

I always wanted to meet

a white man by the name of Brown.

You know what this is?

It's a slave collar.

And a white man made my mothers

and fathers wear this

to bend them to his will.

Can I bend you to my will,

Mr. Brown?

You sure got a faithful

dog now, Michael.

Michael, I don't think we

should get our hopes up here.

Kidnappning, extortion,

assault on this man Brown here,

as well as your previous problems

with the law, I mean...

You could be looking

at 10 to 20 years, I'd say.

I don't think so. I am smarter

and better protected than whitey thinks.

All rise.

It seems Michael X has managed

to keep himself out of jail

by threatening to release

damning photographs of a

certain...royal personage.

Until we get our hands on these snaps,

the police can't move.

The public prosecutor won't move...

and the home office

doesn't want to know.

Has anyone actually

seen these photographs?

Yes, but at the minute

I'm not at liberty...

to say who that person is.

We've had Michael X under surveillance

for quite a while.

He keeps a safe deposit

box at the Lloyd's Bank...

in Marylebone.

We believe that's were

the photos are located.

Seems straightforward enough.

I'll send a team into this bank

and take whatever he's got

in this safe deposit box.

That would have to be sanctioned

at the highest level,

and that's not going to happen.

Do you see our problem?

There can be no connection to 5 or 6.

So you want me to come up with something

devoid any accountability for anyone.

We'd welcome suggestions, Tim.

And if it all goes pear-shaped (wrong),

I assume it's my arse on the line?

You're young and ambitions, Tim.

A chance to make a name for yourself.

Thank you, Sir.

Excuse me, madam, miss.

Can I have a word?


- Where have you been?

- Morocco.

- I'll have to check your underwear.

- Be my guest.

- We found what we're looking for.

- Found what?

What were you looking for?

Oh Tim, thank God!

I'm in a spot of bother.

(I've got problems)

- What have you been up to?

- Nothing much. You?

I was in Morocco recently.

- Business or pleasure?

- Bit of both.

Drinks are on me.

So, we're gonna sit here all night,

making small-talk?

I know you, Terry,

and I know your mates (friends).

You've always been looking for

the big score,

the one that makes sense of everything.

- I have it for you.

- What?

- A bank.

- A in robber?

What would you know about a bank?

I've been seeing this guy

who runs his own business.

Security systems.

Next month, they're installing

new alarms in a bank at Marylebone.

Seems like the trains have been...

setting off the trembler

alarms in the vault

and they've had to turn them off.

So for a week or so,

they won't have any.

Now why would he tell you all this?

We were having a laugh about it.

Imagine if half the villains in

in London knew about this, he said.

And I thought, I know half

the villains in London.

I grew up with some of them.

Look, me and my mates have been

involved in the odd bit of

skullduggery (criminal acts).

Can you see us tooled up,

taking on a bank like

the (Jesse) James gang?

This isn't about waving a

waterpistol at a cashier's head.

This is about getting into the basement

where the deposit boxes are.

Hidden, secret wealth.

Money and jewels, they're safe to steal,

- 'cause people won't report it.

- Oh, no no no.

You can't talk about this here.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime

opportunity, Terry.

We can't pass it up.

I didn't expect this

from you tonight, Martine.

What did you expect?

I'll have to think about it.

You better get off to your stag party.

Thanks for the drink.

Eddie tells me his brother invited you

to the wedding.

- Are you going?

- I'll see you there.

Can I get a Campari and Soda, no ice?

- Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Well, Tim sweety,

what do you think?

- Is he offering?

- Maybe.

Cheers, gorgeous.

- So you're coming in?

- I don't know, it's late.

Do you need to run home

like a good little boy?

I guess I've got time.

- What exactly do you do?

- Bit of this, bit of that.

How did you and Hakim meet?

I met Hakim in Los Angeles

last spring.

He was rasing money for a black

Montessori school

and writing his life's story.

And what an extraordinary

life it has been.

The book is called "From the Dead Level,

Malcolm X and Me."

I've read the manuscript.

Hakim is a poet.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Dick Clement

Dick Clement, OBE (born 5 September 1937) is an English writer known for his writing partnership with Ian La Frenais. They are most famous for television series including The Likely Lads, Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?, Porridge, Lovejoy and Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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