Synopsis: A once-great silent film director, unable to make the transition to the new talkies, lives as a near-hermit in his Hollywood home, making cheap, silent sex films, and suffering in the knowledge of his sexual impotence, and apathetic about the plans to demolish his home to make way for a motorway. His producer and his producer's girlfriend come by to see how he is doing (and to supply heroin to the actress as her payment). The girlfriend stays to watch them filming, and is deeply impressed by his methods. When the actress goes to the bathroom, and dies there of an overdose, the girlfriend takes her place in the film. Then the producer returns...
Rotten Tomatoes:
117 min

Yeah, well, it's 409 cubic inches.

Hey, is this in color?

Hey, Larry, you got a church key?

Hey, I thought this was in color.


Looks like a homo to me.

Takes one to know one, doesn't it?

- Did she laugh at his leverage?

- This is disgusting.

- Hey! Hit her, dumb-ass.

- Yeah!

A little guided muscle.

- Where'd you pick up this flick?

- Hollywood Boulevard.

This old sh*t goes for $1 a yard.

- Sit down!

- Get out of the way!

- This is cute.

- Sit down.

Get the f*** out.

- You guys are sick.

- Come on. One more time, man.

- Slap the sh*t out of her!

- God damn it.

Hey, what up? No come shots?

Yeah, where's the f***ing come shot?

Hey, where's the come shot, man?

Hey, where's the come shot?

Are you kidding?

Hey, you ought to speak to the cop

at the gate. He forgot to ask for my pass.

- You're late.

- Is that so?

- How would you know?

- I can tell. I'm two shots under the label.

Too bad. Three shots under

and you couldn't have told sh*t.

Four shots under

and you'd be on your way out...

'cause I'd be crawling back in bed.

Not today I wouldn't,

'cause Big Mac is coming, remember?

- I meant to get the pool cleaned.

- You kidding?

- I'm kidding.

- You ought to do that.

- You really ought to get the pool cleaned.

- Where would I piss?

Pipes still on the fritz?

Why don't you use the sink?

Hey, what kind of a guy do you think I am?

I've got to eat off the dishes in that sink.

- So why don't you wash the dishes?

- Why don't you wash the dishes?

- I told you, I don't do dishes.

- I know, I've been to your place.

Not in a coon's age.

You ain't been nowhere in a coon's age.

- They was talking about you last night.

- Who? Forget it.


Okay. Go.

There's this guy named Clark Gable.

- Who?

- His name's Clark Gable.

He's the new kid, the new kid over at Path.

He was asking that windbag

von Stroheim about you.

That lard ass. What'd he say?

- He said you were a stupid son of a b*tch.

- No, I mean this...

Gable, whatever.

Where did this happen anyway?

Where do you think?

I was waiting on their table.

- He says, I hear you-

- Okay, skip it.

Wait a second. After the lard ass

tells him what an a**hole you were...

this Gable kid says, "Yeah? Well, I think

the Boy Wonder is just about the...

"only genius that ever worked

in the cinema. "

- The what?

- Cinema.

He meant movies. He'll learn.

He's the new kid over at Path.

- Okay, skip it.

- Wait a minute...

I mean, here comes the finish.

He says, "By the by...

"now what the hell ever happened to him?

Where is the Boy Wonder?"

You know what lard ass says?

He says, "He's a rummy...

"down on Hollywood Boulevard.

"I seen him there

and gave him a quarter just yesterday. "

Lying son of a b*tch.

Can you believe the nerve of the guy?

So I told them.

You what?

I told them...

I says, "The Boy Wonder, he's got a swell

six-picture contract, working steady...

"working everyday,

which is more than I can say for you. "

- What are you telling me here, Harlene?

- I'm telling you, I told them.

Don't worry. I didn't tell them what

or about Big Mac or nothing.

I just told them that you was

working, about the six-picture contract.

I did say one thing. It shut them up though,

you should've seen it.

What did you say, Harlene?

You know that lard ass, that heinie lard

bucket, pretended he didn't even know me.

He knew me okay, boy,

I did a picture with him in '22...

and I used to pork him plenty

when he was still straight.

Okay, what did you tell them

last night, Harlene?

He says, "A six-picture contract?

Where is he working?

"Gower Gulch?" I says, "Chuck you, Farley!

"He's working at home,

and he don't even have to leave his house. "

That's beautiful. That's really terrific.

That's really smart, Harlene.

I want to thank you a lot.

Natch. You been good to me, kid.

You seen my lucky necktie?

Yes, it's right where you left it yesterday.

Listen, you didn't happen to...

tell him where I was living

or my address or anything?

Sure, I did.

This Clark Gable wanted to know.

He said he'd like to come out

and talk to you sometime.

- It was all a real enema to him.

- Enigma.

- He loved ghost stories.

- Ghost stories?

Why, you, kiddo. You're the ghost story.

- Give me a hand.

- You don't think von Stroheim is going to...

Come over here? What the hell for?

He's working, ain't he?

- What if this kid comes over?

- This Clark Gable?

You can brush him. He's just a kid.

- Listen, I think I must tell you that you're-

- Using too much of this stuff, Harlene.

- Go on off your high horse.

- I just can't help thinking about Wally Reid.

You, too? He was a swell kid.

We used to have a lot of laughs,

me and him.

And Jack Pickford?

We used to

piss the hell out of that bunch of...

stuffed shirts at his sister's dump.

- That Wally was a caution.

- Yeah, died in his own vomit...

in a padded cell, good-looking guy like that.

- He didn't look too good in the end.

- No.

Me and Jackie paid him a visit,

snuck him a shot.

Hold it steady. Okay.

That's the ticket.

How long till

Rex, the Wonder Dog, gets here?

He will be a little late.

He's got a funeral this morning...

but we can get in a couple of inserts.

A couple inserts?

I'm Mabel if you're able!

Cut it out, Harlene.

Come on, honey. You give up too easy,

that's your problem.

Come on, Harlene.

I ain't kidding you, honey.

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John Byrum

John Byrum (born March 14, 1947) is an American film director and writer known for The Razor's Edge, Heart Beat, Duets and Inserts. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Inserts" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Apr. 2024. <>.

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