Imperfections Page #5

especially with my dad

and your mom too I guess.

- No, of course.

- I was in the

Caribbean last year,

and I went to this

island called Dominica.

They make this

incredible rum there

like insanely delicious.

The legend is, is that it

even helps men, you know

- get raging boners.

- Basically.

- Does it work?

- Yes.

- Liquor and boners sound

like the kind of thing

old white dudes

would be really into.

- I know right.

- Can you get the

eagles in there somehow?

- Look if this thing takes off,

I could be sitting on

a giant pile of money

like a f***ing fortune.

- Okay, but

- but customs seized it

at the airport because

the secret ingredient

wasn't exactly legal.

So I've got 80

cases sitting in a

homeland security

warehouse at O'Hare.

- Oops.

- Yeah.

I talked to a lawyer

who says he could help

but he wants 15,000 up

front as a retainer,

and then like another

80k to get it approved.

Every dollar I could borrow

went to buying this sh*t.

I need more than just taking

a little bit out

of each pay check.

I need a score.

- Oh, a score.

You're gonna knock over

a 7-11 or something?

- I wanna talk to

you about something,

and I want you to know

that you can say no

and I'm not gonna get mad

or fire you or anything.

But I have a way that we

could make some serious money.

But it's shady.

- I'm not necessarily

opposed to shady.

- So let's say you're

making a delivery,

and let's say you get robbed.

Well, the insurance

company pays out the loss,

and the business

doesn't get hurt.

- Okay.

- But let's say

when you get robbed

instead of giving the robber

the stones you were carrying

you give him some dummy package.

He thinks he's

getting the stones,

but he's actually getting fakes.

- And I keep the real ones.

- That's right,

and then I sell them

and we split the money.

- Couldn't we just

say I got robbed

and do the same thing?

- These insurance people

they don't f*** around.

It has to be real.

We need a police report,

hopefully an eyewitness.

If you get caught defrauding

an insurance company,

it's no joke.

I'm talking orange

jump suit time.

You don't get to play

tennis in Wisconsin.

But if the robbery is real,

then nobody is

defrauding anyone.

The robber just gets

something that isn't valuable,

and the insurance company

pays out such a small amount

that it's just like a

blip on their radar.

It's virtually a

victimless crime.

Thanks.

Here's the thing though

I need you to get robbed.

I mean I could hire

somebody to do it,

but then we would

have to cut him in.

Plus he could get picked

up for somebody else

and then he could rat me out.

We gotta minimize our risk.

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