Immigration Tango Page #5

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[Man singing in Spanish]

[Knock on door]

[Lamp shatters]

[Clears throat]

Who the hell are you?

Officer Ravencourt

with ICE.

ICE?

Immigration.

Doesn't mean you can

barge in here!

Bush isn't president

anymore.

The door was open.

Did we do anything wrong?

We'll find out, won't we?

Are you Michael White?

Michael White?

I thought you said your name

was Jimmy Sheldon.

I can explain.

Hold on there, hot pants.

Are you

Miss Elena Dub...

Certainly am not.

Do you think I actually

look like her?

I hope, for your sake, that

was a rhetorical question.

Who is she?

His wife.

His wife?

Of all the nerve.

You know, I hope you

do arrest him for lying

for trying to get

into my pants!

Well, from the looks of it,

he did a pretty good job.

I didn't know

he was married.

How could you?

Ma'am, it's not

what you think.

It never is, Mr. White.

Now I am here to conduct

a preliminary investigation

into the status of your marriage

to the woman in this photo.

I'm sure you're aware

that marriage fraud

is not just a misdemeanor.

It's a federal offense

punishable by jail time.

Now who lives here?

Uh, well, I used to,

but now I live

with Ms. Dubrovnik.

And the address?

On a boat.

A boat, you say?

Yeah.

A thing that floats.

Hmm.

How romantic.

[Telephone rings]

And this woman?

[Ring]

Oh, she...

Just someone who picked me up

on Ocean Drive.

Pickedyouup?

[Scoffs]

I see.

[Ring]

[Laughs]

MIKE:
Hi.

It's Mike and Betty.

BETTY:
We can't get

to the phone right now.

But leave a message,

and we'll get back to you.

BOTH:
Bye.

[Beep]

Mike, honey,

this is your mother,

and I am holding a letter

from Immigration

and it says that you have

married some Russian person.

[Sighs] Call us, please.

This better be

some terrible mistake.

[Beep]

It's my mom.

She found out

two weeks ago,

but early dementia.

Mm-hmm.

Your Ben & Jerry's

is melting.

What... Oh.

Have a good day,

Mr. White.

I'm sure the two of you

have a lot to talk about.

I'm going to jail.

I'm not gonna make it.

I know I won't.

I'm weak when it comes

to enclosed spaces.

We're talking

serious time here.

I don't know

what I was thinking.

Why didn't you stop me?

Maybe we'll just go

to another country.

Maybe I can go

to Colombia with Carlos.

At least I'll know somebody

who can speak the language.

I'll order food

from restaurants.

I'll get directions.

Mike, calm down.

What do you mean, calm down?

What do you...

Look at what we

got ourselves into.

We? Oh, no, no,

no, no, no.

This was your idea!

What about me?

I don't want to go

to jail either.

You aren't the one

married to Elena, Betty.

You're in the clear.

Until I marry Carlos.

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