Immigration Tango Page #3

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Shut the f*** up!

[Blow strikes]

[Door slams shut]

[Door opens]

What'd they

pop you for, honey?

They think I'm illegal.

An accent like that,

you don't exactly

sound American.

I'm Russian.

Oh, you one of those,

uh, mail-order brides?

No. I'm a student.

Ah, well, let me guess.

Cosmetology, huh?

International finance.

Hmm. Well, good luck

with that, sister.

Hey, let me know

when they're hiring

so I don't have to work

on my back.

[Keys jingle]

[Buzzer]

You know, your visa

expires in 20 days,

so if I were you, I'd make

some travel arrangements.

Otherwise,

you're gonna be coming

back here

for an extended stay.

Where is Carlos?

In the car.

This place makes him

a little jumpy.

The agent said they'd received

reliable information

that my status had expired.

CARLOS:

That is bullshit!

Can't we sue the police,

hire a lawyer

or something?

No podemos pagar,

mi amor.

MIKE:

What'd she say?

No money for lawyers.

Well, maybe

I could do it.

I'm almost a lawyer.

Oh, boy.

[Sighs]

There are basically

two ways

to immigrate

into the U.S.,

through an employer

or a family member.

We don't have either one.

I know.

So your only hope is

winning the visa lottery.

What is that?

It's a lottery

for green cards.

And what are her chances?

About the same as

winning the Powerball.

Uh, well...

The only way you could

legally stay in the U.S.

Is for you to find

a U.S. Citizen to marry.

The same for you,

Carlos.

Well, it's not a bad idea.

It's a pretty good idea.

What?

Come on.

That wouldn't be so hard

to find somebody

to marry you.

We could pay somebody,

yeah? I mean...

They don't have any money,

and neither do we.

We could chip in.

We don't need any money.

I mean, who...

They would marry her for free.

And I would marry

a rich white guy too.

Are you crazy?

Yes.

That's illegal. You

have to marry a woman.

Fine. I'll marry

a rich white girl.

Does it matter?

I'm handsome.

[Laughs]

What's so funny?

I'm serious.

No, that might

actually work.

I mean, if you're

game, I'm game.

I mean, why not?

I'm game.

Hang on. Wait. Wait.

This is way over my head.

Let's find a real lawyer.

BETTY:
You want to what?

MIKE:
Betty, you said

you wanted to help 'em out.

Yeah, help,

donate time to the cause,

give free legal advice,

but not you.

This is something

I want to do,

and I know

it's gonna be tough,

but, look, maybe this

is something we need.

This is the stupidest thing

I've ever heard.

We do not need this.

Our lives are perfectly fine

just the way they are.

This is Elena, and,

you know, in this case,

it really is

just a piece of paper.

They're

our best friends.

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