If Lucy Fell

Synopsis: Joe and Lucy are roommates and best friends. Lucy, whose love life is embarrassingly dull, convinces Joe, who is infatuated with a neighbor he's never met, that if they don't have stable romances within a month, they must jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Eric Schaeffer
Production: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
4.9
Rotten Tomatoes:
18%
R
Year:
1996
92 min
88 Views


Another wish didn't work out

Another nothing

we can scream about

All fall down.

Wake up, please, sir.

It's calendar day.

Mmm, Lucy.

Forget about calendar day.

All fall down.

Wrong answer, Dick.

She's so tall

with her hands up

I'm so small

whenever she's around

Someday soon

I'm gonna tell her but

I'm not twenty-one

Another dream didn't work out

So you found a way

to let it out

All fall down.

What are you doing?

It's calendar day. Wake up.

What time is it?

She's gone already, Joe.

One more wasted day.

Not true, Devil Girl!

All fall down

Come on, baby, be there. Come on, Janey.

Come on, baby.

Please, sweetheart.

She's probably got

some gorgeous man's face

in an unspeakable place.

Oh, Lucy, come on. Come on.

Yeah, hello.

My girlfriend Jane.

So who...

What's that, right there?

What's goin' on?

Oh, that's, uh...

That's... That's nothing.

That's... That's just

her brother.

That's her, uh... That's her...

That's her gay brother.

What's her gay brother

doing to her?

Because I, I don't have my glasses.

I can't see.

Oh, my god.

Why, that's just... Oh.

I mean, that should be illegal.

You just can't have naked

men wandering around.

That's just disgusting.

So, Joe,

don't you think

that this, this painting

you've done of Jane here

in the kitchen

is a tad incomplete?

That there might... Joe?

Okay. I, I can't really hear

any a**holes talking!

And if she, and if she

comes again and scares me

I'm gonna conjure up

a prayer to be stronger.

Okay, Dick.

Rise and shine, and leave.

Come on, Lucy.

It's Saturday. Let's snuggle.

Come on, dick.

Here's $5, all right?

I'm so small

whenever she's around.

Go buy yourself

a nice breakfast.

She's so tall

with her hands up

Al.

My best friend! I love you!

I love you!

Joe! Get the hell off me.

I'll be right back.

Dick, Richie, Rich, Ricardo.

Joe, have you seen my shoe?

Have I seen your shoe? No.

Come on, Lucy,

man, let's do this.

You all dressed?

Uh... Well, my, my shoe.

Oh, you can get it next time.

You are too brutal, Lucy.

Give the guy a break.

Bye, Dick. Have a nice time.

I'll call you.

You know,

you're doin' it again.

What am I doing?

Mushing my head out the door.

Could you not

mush my head out the door?

I wasn't mushing you.

You were leaving.

I can't take this anymore.

Lucy, I want you to decide.

After two and a half years

of sleeping with you,

uh, goin' to dinner,

um, uh,

not seein' anyone else,

meeting families,

I think I... I... I think I may

have given you a ring at one point?

Am I... Are we... Uh... Do...

Are we boyfriend and girlfriend, or no?

That's it.

Let me see.

Oh, Lucy.

Not the hug test again.

No, Dick.

What?

No.

Oh. I...

Bye, Lucy.

Goodbye.

Bye, Dick.

Missed a spot.

What is up with that guy, Lucy?

Dick? You know, Dick is Dick.

We're friends.

Listen, did you guys

used to, uh...

We used to.

Did you, uh...

Did you go down on him, or...

Sometimes.

Really?

Listen, I was wondering, do

guys like that better than...

Definitely.

Really? Absolutely.

You'd take that over that?

Any day of the week.

Huh.

Listen,

Does he have a, uh,

a big, uh...

Mmm. It's average.

Bigger than me?

Well, I don't know.

I've never...

Yeah, you have.

After I take a shower.

Yeah, but never in its full...

About 10.

Five.

No.

I said 10.

Five. Guys always double it.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

So if, uh...

If I had said, uh, six...

Three.

Really?

Mmm-hmm, three.

Jesus!

I know, uh... I know a lot

of guys that say six.

Three.

Joe?

Yes?

Remember that death pact

that we made in college?

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Eric Schaeffer

Eric Schaeffer (born January 22, 1962) is an American actor, writer and director. more…

All Eric Schaeffer scripts | Eric Schaeffer Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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