If I Were You Page #3

take too many? Not your husband. No, no.

Then he can live happily ever

after with a bouncing bimbo.

No. I can't die.

I need to stay alive so that I

can destroy his future happiness.

I actually have a reason to live.

For a minute there, I thought I didn't.

Oh, my God.

You're not who you've been

pretending to be tonight.

What?!

I recognize you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- I-I'm sorry.

I thought you were one of those

people that are, you know

happy with a nothing life, a

boring marriage, an office job.

But you're not. You're like me,

and you're so much like me!

I am nothing like you.

We are exact opposites.

Give us any situation, situation "x",

and you would choose to do "b,"

while I would do "a."

And even when I was your age, I

would not have slept with a

sobbing businessman.

I would not ever be an actress.

I would never be a poet or an astrologer.

Actress and astrologer are not equivalent.

- Well, they're close enough.

It's true, there was a moment there

where I was a foot reflexologist.

But that's scientifically

proven, so it's...

My point is, that I would do

everything differently if I were you

and you would do everything

differently if you were me, too.

Although it's hard to imagine

that our lives could be

any worse than

they are right now.

So how much worse would our lives

be if I would do what you would do

and you would do

what I would do?

That's such a brilliant idea!

- What idea? I haven't had an idea.

No, but you're right.

We've been feeling and thinking

and deciding for ourselves,

and our lives are a mess.

We should try the opposite!

- Decide one thing and then do the other?

I mean like, like I get to

think what you should do, and

you get to think what I should do,

like when you told me to

stop drinking and not kill myself.

I would be drunk and dead

if I'd made up my own mind instead of

letting you make up my mind for me.

Maybe that just means that...

I make better decisions than you do.

No offense, Madelyn, but

your life sounds crappier than mine.

My life sounds crappier than yours?

I'm not the one married to a

man who's cheating on me.

Look at it this way, we're

both self-destructive people or

we wouldn't be involved with men

that treat us like sh*t.

But we would not be

self-destructive if we were

making decisions for someone

else, 'cause I don't want to destroy

your life and you don't

want to destroy my life.

No, of course not.

So, the way to fix our lives is to

stop making our own decisions

and let the other one

make them instead.

Not on little things, like

"what color lipstick should I wear?"

I'd go pinker if I were you,

but on, on, on the big stuff, you know?

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote