Ibiza Page #2

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if I were you.

Hotel rooms are black light nightmares.

There's, like, residual jizz everywhere.

Where isn't the residual jizz,

you know what I mean?

All right, time to get ready

for my first meeting.

- Good luck, Boo.

- Bye.

Excuse me. Where did you get weed?

From the cab driver, duh!

You got weed from the cabbie?

Yeah. We're in Barcelona

You did a drug deal,

and we didn't even notice?

I work quick, girl,

but you know what I'm most excited about?

Seeing all that old man sausage

in Speedos.

Specifically the old man?

- It's vintage.

- Ew!

I'm like Lewis and Clark,

just forge ahead, baby.

Show me that dick.

You know what I'm excited for?

That we're in a hotel room

and we can do whatever the heck we want.

What was that?

- Oh, sh*t. Nikki. Oh, my God.

- Nikki, are you okay?

I'm fine.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I didn't know it was two beds.

You want a smoke?

- This is a cool trip.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, how's you guys? I'm having fun.

- All right...

I thought you were dead.

Ladies, I will text you after.

Be safe, okay?

Your wish is our command.

- Yes, honey.

- Bye, love you both!

- Love you!

- Come on, let's smoke.

I'm not gonna smoke with you.

Remember the last time I got high

with you?

I embarrassed you

in front of all your drug friends.

Remember? And then I tried

to convince everybody that Shallow Hal

- is the best film of our generation?

- People who smoke aren't drug friends.

They're just friends.

Yours are drug friends.

You know, they're always just like,

"Look at this dank strain of legalize.

Oh, what's this flavor?

It's Apple Blossom. This is so good.

I love this strain of dank."

- Who are these people?

- That's how your drug friends talk.

- They never say "dank."

- Yeah, they do.

- All right, enough of the sass.

- Okay.

One puff.

One puff for the old Nickster.

Nasty Nikki.

Okay,

I've got this black light app downloaded.

Let's test this jizz theory.

- What the f***?

- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

It's everywhere!

How did it get up there?

- Nikki!

- Everywhere!

Do they just jerk off wherever they want?

Who are they?Who are you?!

So many different types

of b*obs and nips.

They're like baggy fingerprints.

Bilbo Baggins...

Little Bo Peeps...

Honeydews, Rhi Rhis, Daniel Craigs.

They're all just so beautiful, you know?

- Yo.

- I'm at the beach. Where are you?

- Hi, Khaleesi.

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Hey, girl.

- This is Diego. He works for Disfrute,

and he's so nice that I just told him

that you guys tagged along.

Wow, you're cute.

Oh, thank you very much.

- What?

- Oh, no.

- Whoa.

- Were you wearing sunscreen?

- What am I, burned?

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