I Was a Male War Bride

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Ah, Heidelberg!

Oh, Sergeant!

Which is the quickest way

to Heidelberg, please?

- Uh, head down this street for four blocks.

- Uh-huh.

You turn right. You go straight ahead

until you hit the autobahn.

There are signs all the way.

You can't miss it.

Thank you, Sergeant.

What have you decided?

We don't know.

I know. Drive.

"Captain Henri Rochard,

French Economic Mission. "

- Hey, Joe, we'll need you as interpreter.

- Never mind, Sergeant.

- We'll get along all right.

- Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Whom did you wish to see?

The, uh, "O.I.C., A.M.G., W.A.C."

Ah. First floor.

Turn to your right.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Hmm. War Administration

Industrial Relations...

Coordinator's Office.

Service of Supply Displaced Persons

Property Disposal Department.

Uh, Labor Administration

Department...

Inter... Inter...

I beg your pardon. I'm looking

for Lieutenant Gates's office.

- Well, this isn't it.

- Isn't it?

- Right over there, Captain.

- Thank you.

Yes, sir. Yes, Colonel.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes...

Oh, it's you.

What do you want?

Mm-hmm. One nightshirt. Gown.

What do you call this thing? Gown.

- Henri!

- One pair of bloomers...

- two pairs of stockings... and a run in one of them, I believe.

- Henri, please!

Just a moment.

And one slip.

I think that's all. I'm sorry

I couldn't get them to you any sooner.

Good-bye, Lieutenant Gates.

Oh, what a stinker you are.

- Did I forget something?

- What a dirty stinker.

And you're going right back

and explain...

how you got my laundry by mistake

in Dsseldorf and forgot to give it back.

Well, that's such a dull story.

Who would care?

- You know what you made them think.

- I don't quite understand...

Oh, no! You mean, you and me?

Why, I'd be glad to explain to them.

The very idea of any connection is revolting.

- Oh, no, you don't. Never mind. Just...

- I'd be delighted.

I'd explain to them

I think you're repulsive.

Shh! I said never mind.

Just forget it!

Go away. You've had your joke.

Now beat it.

Sorry, I can't oblige.

I'm here on official business.

- Oh, don't tell me. Another mission?

- Yes.

- But don't get your hopes up. You're not going with me.

- Thank heavens.

- Who's your victim this time?

- My interpreter and aide is a Lieutenant Eloise Billings...

- whom I'm reliably informed is intelligent...

- Yes.

- Pretty...

- Yes.

And, as you Americans say, stacked.

That she is.

You haven't met her?

No. But that happy event's going to take

place in Major Prendergast's office...

in exactly, uh, 30 seconds.

Good-bye again to you,

Lieutenant Gates.

- Where are you going?

- Major Prendergast's office.

- There's nothing for you to do.

- Isn't there?

- Wait. If you...

- I'm in a hurry.

- Hello, Eloise.

- Hi, honey.

May I present Captain Rochard, Lieutenant

Billings. You two are going to work together.

- Enchanted, Lieutenant Billings.

- How do you do, Captain? I was just...

I believe we have

a mutual friend, Alex Brissac.

- How nice.

- Why, sure. I remember him.

Lieutenant, due to the fact that I was on

previous missions with Captain Rochard...

he just returned some of my things...

perhaps I can be of some help to you.

Thank you. I can explain things to Lieutenant

Billings. Don't you have somewhere to go?

- Oh, no. I'm free until 2:30.

- Well, about this here mission...

It's a simple matter.

It's an overnight job.

We have to go to Bad Nauheim,

a pleasant little village, and...

- Or it will be till you get there.

- Oh.

Well, I can explain the whole thing

better to you when we're alone.

Better wear side arms, Lieutenant.

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