I Love You, Alice B. Toklas! Page #5

the feeling when you see your first kid.

It's like... It's like nobody

ever had one before.

It's... Oh, my God.

Oh, I'd like to lily your lollies.

Oh, where do they come from?

What do they want from me?

Can't you stop for a second, Murray?

When they stop, I'll stop.

They know you're looking at them,

driving you crazy, and they love it.

How can you tell me

how beautiful marriage is...

...when you mentally rape

every woman who passes by?

What has my looking

have to do with my marriage?

- It's dishonest, Murray.

- No, it's not, Harold. No, it is not.

I love my wife and I love my kids.

And I love you.

You're an animal, Murray.

You're an animal.

Herbie will be right out.

Hi.

I'm Nancy.

How do you do?

Groovy car.

- Glad somebody likes it.

- What a beautiful day for a funeral.

Mars and Neptune

are at the 10th angle.

You're lucky.

And Mr. Foley's lucky...

...because by tomorrow

Saturn starts ingressing into Aries.

Pardon me, did you just say

that you knew Mr. Foley?

No. Herbie told me.

And he sounds like a beautiful man.

He picked Herbie up in his arms

and he breathed life into him.

- It's a beautiful thing to do.

- What are you talking about?

When Herbie fell off the stool

when you had a store in Boyle Heights.

He saved Herbie's life.

- He saved my life.

- You too?

- That man was a saint.

- Where did you get all this from?

You don't know how much

this funeral means to him.

Herbie is the most sensitive man

I've ever known.

- But then, all Scorpios are sensitive.

- Hiya, Harold.

What...? What...?

What are you trying to do to me,

kill your mother?

I'm wearing the traditional

burial outfit of the Hopi Indians.

It's beautiful.

Foley was a Catholic, not an Indian.

It's all the same.

It's all man and God. It's love.

Herbie.

Herbie.

Let me buy you a nice new suit.

Just for the funeral.

This is what I'm wearing, Harold.

Herbie, look...

...I realize that I'm a square.

- I know that, I know that.

- Yeah.

But you gotta understand

that there could be two sides to this.

I mean, you think?

How is Mrs. Foley gonna feel...?

I mean, how is she gonna feel

when she sees...

...Tonto at the cemetery?

Hey, Harold, I am not

wearing this to bug anybody.

I'm wearing it because

it's the right thing to wear.

Well, take that fakakta feather

out of your hair...

...and wash that stupid paint

off your face!

- Really uptight.

- I am!

Uptight, or whatever that is.

Okay, okay. I'll tell you what.

I'll let you have

the feather or the paint.

You'll let me have the feather

or the paint?

Right.

Take the feather out of your hair.

Okay, put the feather back and

cover up the paint with your hands.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes