I Heart Huckabees

---

[ Man Thinking ] Motherfucking cocksucker.

Motherfucking shit fucker.!

What am i doing?

What am i doing?

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm doing the best that I can.

I know that's all

I can ask of myself.

But is that good enough?

Is my work doing any good?

Is anybody paying attention?

Is it hopeless to try and change things?

The African guy's a sign, right?

Because if he isn't...

then nothing in this world

makes any sense to me.

I'm fucked. Maybe I should quit.

Don't quit.

Maybe I should just fucking quit.

Don't fucking quit.

I don't know what the f*ck

I'm supposed to fucking do anymore.

Fucker. F*ck! Shit!

I'm glad we saved

a piece of this marsh.

I know it's small,

but at least it's something.

- [ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

- Don't stop fighting.

We're going to save

a lot more of this place.

To celebrate, I have

a poem I'd like to read.

''Nobody sits

like this rock sits.

''You rock, rock.

The rock just sits and is.

You show us how to just sit here,

and that's what we need.''

Yeah, we did it.

- Any press come?

- Yeah, local paper's here. What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just I have an appointment

to check out this African guy.

- What African guy?

- Exactly. What African guy?

Come on.

Hello. Albert Markovski.

i have a 1:
00 appointment.

Sorry, I'm late.

This place is like a maze.

Have a seat.

We'll be right with you.

Why don't you just tell me

what your situation is.

Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly

what you guys do here, all right?

Well, we, uh-- We'll investigate

and solve your case.

- How?

- If you sign a contract, we'll follow you.

- You'll spy?

- Yes.

- On me?

- Yes.

- Will you be spying on me in the bathroom?

- Yes.

- In the bathroom?

- Yes.

- Why?

- There's nothing too small.

You know when police find the slightest

bit of D.N.A. and build a case?

If we might see you--

you floss or masturbate...

that could be the key

to your entire reality.

- So I'm hiring you to spy on me.

- That's right.

So we can figure out your situation

and resolve your crisis.

In addition, my associate will approach

your case from a different angle.

What do you mean a different angle?

What does that mean?

Regarding your perception of reality.

He'll tell you about that.

- Who sent you here?

- Nobody. I found your card.

- Where?

- In some fancy restaurant

that I'd never been to before.

i didn't have the proper attire.

So they let me borrow a suitjacket.

i reached into my pocket,

and there was your card.

The weird thing is

i always have a jacket.

- [ Woman ] But not that day?

- No.

- Brad Stand.

- Hey.

- Kind of a coincidence.

- Yes, exactly. My case is a coincidence.

- About the restaurant and thejacket?

- No, no. That-That's--

I'm talking about a big coincidence.

It involves one man.

It's a three-parter.

Okay. Ready?

[ Inhales, Exhales ]

First part.

I went to a place

called Schottinger's photo archives.

i was there getting stills

of early Bob Dylan.

in comes this tall African guy.

He's like 1 8 years old or something.

You know, he's in there getting photos

of Morris Chestnut...

Shaquille O'Neal,

Jim Carrey.

He's an autograph hound.

Kind of guy likes to get...

glossies of famous people

and get them signed.

Two weeks later, i see

the same African guy.

He's working as a doorman

at my friend's building.

Oh, my God!

- Who's your friend?

-Jay Wendorff. But it's not his apartment.

- It's his girlfriend's.

- What's her name?

Uh, Kelly. Kelly Coulter.

So, okay, that's two.

One time at Schottinger's

photo archive...

second time

as the doorman.

Rate this script:(1.00 / 1 vote)