I Bury the Living

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1

Welcome, sir.

Welcome to the Immortal Hills.

Thank you.

It's all by way of making you feel

right at home, Bobby.

Mr. chairman.

Come along, sir.

After you.

This is your place now, you know?

Of course, it isn't as if you

was any stranger here, Bob.

Yes, but somehow this place

all looks different to me,

like I never saw it before.

Well, maybe I never had to.

It's cold as an icebox in here.

Oh, that thing hasn't

worked in years.

Cement halls, the wet,

you know...

Makes the air a wee bit crisp, you see.

Won't bother you none

once you get down to work.

Well, I'm not sworn in yet.

Oh, that's only for show, sir.

Now, let me see if I've got the list

of committee men right.

First, chairman Robert Kraft, yourself.

Now Mr. Honegger, treasurer,

your uncle George, secretary,

and, of course,

Mr. Trowbridge and Mr. Bates,

making five in all, right?

Right.

You canna find me at any time.

My dwelling's straight across the boulevard,

opposite the gate.

Makes it nice, living so close to my work.

Now, would you like to see the sights, sir,

give the roof a chance to catch the heat?

Hmm.

If you care to make a tour,

it's a bit warmer outside.

That's quite a map.

Oh, yes, sir, that's a map

of the entire cemetery

down to the wee-est speck of dust.

Here we are, and here's

my shed with the rose stone,

and there's the gate

you come in.

Certainly kept it up to date,

there's the new mausoleum

on here, already.

Aye. Oh, yes, sir.

This map's going to be

a big help to you, Bobby.

Suppose you got a customer

and you want to know

what ground we can show him,

this is where the map comes in.

One look, and quick as a wink,

you know who's where and what's what.

It's them pins that makes it so easy.

The black ones stand for

the ones that is already there,

and the white ones for them as has made

their arrangements

for the future.

Now, for example,

here's my place.

Lovely, isn't she, Bob?

There.

Sun in the morning, but, eh, gets those trees

to give shade in the afternoon heat.

McKee, you've been on

this job now, 40 years, right?

Aye.

Well, I guess

the committee's right,

it's high time we retired you.

Nothing to worry about,

full pension.

You'll draw the same

check every month.

I'm to be paid for nothing from now on?

No, you're to be paid

for 40 years of devotion,

and that's something.

Anyone in mind to replace you?

Oh, aye, uh, why I hadn't a given it

much thought, sir,

but, uh, why?

There must be plenty of young

and hard-muscled toughs

who would give

their eyeteeth for my shoes.

It's a lovely place to work.

You're outside

near Mother Earth.

Well, let me know if, uh,

you find somebody, huh?

Oh, aye, I will.

Yes, sir, that's quite a map.

Pardon me, sir.

I just wanted to show you

where we keep this,

in case of emergencies.

No need to worry, though,

we haven't had none, yet.

Oh, you expecting visitors, sir?

No, but that sounds like Stu Drexel.

Oh, aye!

Drexel and pretty Beth Ferris.

I heard they was promised.

Looks like they're hitched.

She finally caught me, Bob.

Bethie, many happy

returns of the clay.

Stu, that's a great place

you picked for a honeymoon.

Oh, marriage has

made me conservative.

How 'bout it, Mrs. D.?

Can I carry you

over the threshold?

I still don't think it's so very funny.

I think it's positively awful,

if you really want

to know the truth.

Aw, Bethie, don't be that way.

What's the trouble?

How would you like to get a cemetery plot

for a wedding gift?

Now, Bethie, you know pop

never meant it for a present.

It's just a formal legal sort of thing.

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