I Am a Sex Addict Page #3

But Caroline knew that if I left

I would never come back,

so she decided to jump out a window.

The thought of being responsible

for her death

- was way more guilt than I could handle.

- (siren wails)

- Caroline! Caroline!

- No! No!

(grunting)

So I agreed never to see Anna again.

It was by far the most

painful decision I ever made.

But I did it because years

of going to Sunday school

had taught me to equate virtue

with sacrifice.

- Can I come down?

- MAN:
One more time.

I should probably also explain

that when I was in college

I had once asked my friend Arnold...

(coughs)

What's your, like, ultimate goal in life?

And he had said...

To be a saint.

I'd been blown away by his answer...

... and I decided that I too

would try to become a saint.

Which is why,

when Caroline asked me

to cut all ties with the only person

I had ever truly loved,

I agreed.

(ting)

When I found out much later

that Anna had gotten married

to someone else,

I was devastated.

I had still been secretly hoping that Caroline

and I would eventually break up

and that Anna and I

would one day get back together.

But now I realized that it was really over.

I tried my best to transcend my feelings

and to resign myself

to a life of quiet desperation.

But the truth is I was incredibly angry.

I was angry at God,

I was angry at Caroline,

and I was angry at myself.

But mostly I was angry at Caroline.

And then one day

I was walking down the street

when I saw... this prostitute.

There was something about her

that turned me on in a way

that I had never been turned on before.

It was as if I had been hypnotized.

And then I suddenly found myself saying

something that I had never said before.

I said the words...

Now, I should probably explain that I had

always considered myself a feminist

and had even marched

in an anti-pornography rally once.

Which is why

when I suddenly found

myself saying the words...

...I half expected the prostitute

to run screaming...

(gasps)

... or to slap me in the face.

The fact that she didn't,

but smiled instead and said...

... made my head spin.

Afterwards, I was a nervous wreck.

I couldn't get her out of my mind.

- CAROLINE:
Hi.

- Hi.

I thought that if I masturbated,

I would get her out of my system.

But it didn't work.

So after several days

of compulsive masturbation,

I decided that I needed a new strategy.

You see, I knew that she was

just a regular person.

But in my mind, I had somehow made her

into an image of erotic salvation.

(harp music plays)

And it seemed that the only way to get her

off the erotic pedestal that I had put her on

was to have a real conversation with her.

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