I.D. Page #3

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jumped in the river rather than face us.

I've got one. What's the biggest

post-war attendance at The Kennel?

- Man U, League Cup quarterfinal. 27,000.

- No.

- It's a trick question, then.

- Rod Stewart, Now Year's Eve, 1980.

- More than 30,000 paying customers.

- Smart-arse!

- Anyone know where we're going?

- This is John's patch.

- Never said you were Shadwell.

- Was milked here.

My gran lived here.

If you visited her on Saturdays,

you could hear the Shadwell roar.

- Closest I've come.

- Here's one.

Which team knocked Arsenal out of

the FA Cup 1974-75?

- Having a laugh, ain't you?

- Bolger in goal.

- Tell him Trevor.

- Dobson, Boniface, Fisk, Hirst,

Austin, Stonebridge, Whitfield, Kurtz.

Hyde and Royston up front,

Matheson sub, unused.

- Is he right?

- How should I know?

Welcome to The Kennel, lads.

Come on, you Shadwell,

got those northern nonces.

(CROWD):
You're gonna got

your f***ing heads kicked in!

You're gonna got your f***ing heads kicked in!

You're gonna got your f***ing heads kicked in!

You're gonna got your f***ing heads kicked in!

Not a lot to show. Bit of blow on

the terraces, a few coins chucked.

- Are you finished John?

- What about the guy with the hip-flask?

Do us a favour!

Come on, John. It's a team effort.

- John?

- Do you know what we've got to do?

- We've got to got in at The Rock.

- Leave it out!

- The Rock's a minefield for Bill.

- Exactly.

It's a safe house for the top boys.

They won't be in the sweetshop.

- You saw what happened to the others.

- They ain't us.

- What about the landlord?

- We ease ourselves in.

Me and Trev can use our cover.

We're painter-decorators, right?

(JOHN):
We'll go there lunch-times at first,

say we're working in the area.

Get our faces known.

What can I do you for?

(JOHN):
Get on first-name terms

with the bar staff..

Give them some chat. Have them

Pour our drinks before we've ordered.

Soon it's John and Trev,

the painter-decorators.

"Pint of the usual, love,

and a steak and kidney.

"-A few more chips than yesterday.

- Cheeky so-and-so.

"Another round, lads?"

Once they know us,

we'll pop in early on a Friday night.

Just for a quick one.

The usual, lads?

Are you two Dogs, then?

(BOOING)

Edwards, you geriatric retard.

Where's your f***ing walking stick?

- You want to paint it white, you nonce!

- Help him out, for f***'s sake!

- Help him out the f***ing front gate!

- Make sure you lock it after!

Pick a decent side, Nolan. You

couldn't pick your own f***ing nose.

- Not even if it was in front of your face.

- Better than up the Chairman's arse!

- That's not where he keeps his money.

- Not where everyone could got at it!

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