Hurricane Bianca

Synopsis: New York substitute science teacher/stand-up comic Richard Martinez - who isn't even remotely effective at either - finally lands a full-time position in Texas through the Teaching Ambassador Program, but his stint falls short when it's discovered he's gay. With only one friendly local behind him, Richard returns to the school as sassy Bianca Del Rio, an outspoken teacher who'll put the unruly students and hypocritical school staff in their proper places, instantly becoming the best teacher he's ever been and the school has ever seen.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Matt Kugelman
Production: Cranium Entertainment
84 min


(various voices)

Once upon a time,

it seemed like

a hundred years ago...

Girl, it was not that long.

(clears throat)

In a land far, far away...

Let's not get carried away.

A new teacher was starting

her first day of classes.

She was mean and hateful.

She had her reasons.

Will you stop interrupting?

I will if you start

at the beginning.


There lived a kind

and decent man named Richard.

This is an example of when

many large thunderstorms

come together

and spin like a funnel--

...who was perhaps the most

awkward teacher in Manhattan.

When is our regular

teacher coming back?

If you have a question,

raise your hand.



When is our regular

teacher coming back?

Your regular teacher

is coming back on Monday.

We have two more topics left

on our Time Warp

Throught Science Tour.

Pay attention.

Who am I dressed up as?

My grandpa?

Okay, you know what, kids?

This is-- I'm just going to move

things along a little faster.

Our next stop throught our Time

Warp throught Science Tour is--

Get ready!

Are you ready?

Our next science genius is...


A scary old lady?


Marie Curie!

This is boring!

Can we talk about

sex ed or something?

(bell ringing)

I leave you with this.

My favourite Marie Curie quote--

The way of progress

was neither swift nor easy.

Remember that,

my little scientists.

See you soon!

If they'll have me back.

(thunder rumbling)

(thunder crashing)

Hurricane Bianca

Dear Mr. Martinez.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sorry to inform you that you

are not chosen for this year's

teaching ambassador program.

Blah, blah, blah.

Please try again next year.

So I'm-- I'm talking

to my landlord, okay?

And she's like,

Sorry for the construction,

If you'd like to leave early...

I'm like, the nerve, right?

Like, I'm going to leave early?

I'm going to leave when my lease

is up, you sundried Barbie!


-Excuse us!

-Coming throught!

We're late, bitch.

Well, I'm on time.


My feet hurt.

You wear cheap shoes.

I beg yout pardon.

I have large toes.



(murmurs indistinctly)

Chakha Convict!


Oh, girl, come on.

Th-that's a...

that's a chemistry joke

because I'm

a chemistry, uh, teacher.


I would wait here if I were you.

They're about to tell him

it's his last night.

He totally bombed again.

Hi, guys!


Hi, Richard!

You were...



See ya!

Don't try it.

Cute bird's nest.

I'm sorry we were late.

We heard your show was okay.

Worse than leprosy.

-I love leopards.

-Shut up Girl!

Did you do that

mime bit we practiced?

No, I wasn't

feeling that bit tonight.

Do you know what's worse?

I even found out today

that I didn't get that

teaching position that

I was telling you two about.


-Aw, Dick.

But we didn't want

you to leave no-how.

Well, listen, I pay $3,468.52

without utilities each month

for that mouse-ridden

shithole of an apartment

they're going

to kick me out of.


Well, listen, sister.

Now, you know this

old nasty freeloading bitch

is still on my nice couch.

-It's a futon.

-It's a professional sectional.


Anyhow, we can gas up

the air mattress, baby,

and put it right

in the living room.

Three's company!

As much as I appreciate you two,

I think I'm just a little

too old for that, you know?

And besides,

I've been here 11 years

and I've got nothing

to show for it.

I just think inside,

personally, I'm done.

I'm just done.

Yeah, maybe.

Oh, you know, we're going

to need some drinks, okay?

Excuse me?

Do you have the drink tickets?

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