Hudson Hawk Page #5

HAWK:

At least I know it's the one

thing that will never...

It's changed. Hawk and Tommy enter into what has become

the ultimate pseudo-art deco-fern littered-nightmare,

packed with noisy, INSUFFERABLY SELF-ABSORBED YUPS.

A violently erotic and pretentious video plays upon

elevated T.V. sets set up all around the place.

HAWK:

.....Change.

Hawk's mouth gapes as he drifts by a sickening COUPLE

toasting wine coolers, and two very YOUNG BROKERS highfiving

each other after missing a dartboard.

TOMMY:

I didn't know how to tell you. A

couple brokers stopped in for Stoley

Spritzers one night. Next thing I

know Fast Track Digest votes us

"Watering Hole of the Month." Now,

I'm shopping for Aqua Salmon wallpaper.

HAWK:

I read about these people in Newsweek.

Where's all the regulars, Crazy Jeff

Cava, the Todd sisters, Indian Joe?

Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? You

took down Captain Bob's steering wheel?

TOMMY:

All gone. But look on the bright

side, half the joint is yours.

Blackjack, get my irritable partner

a cappuccino. I gotta go be a boss.

Tommy lifts a piece of the bar and moves behind it.

Snatching up a menu, Hawk calls out...

HAWK:

Reindeer Goat cheese pizza? I

admit, I've been known to go wild

and order a Canadian Bacon in my

time, but.. reindeer goat cheese?

Hawk lights up a cigarette. A TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER

immediately turns to him wearing a "Yes, I mind if you

smoke" button.

TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER

Can you read....smoker?

HAWK:

Can you take a rainbow and sprinkle

it with dew, waxhead?

(CONTINUED)

12.

12 CONTINUED:
12

No.

(Huh?)

TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER

HAWK:

The Candy Man can, Felix. You

know, I thought this was a country

where you could do any stupid

thing you wanted; drive to work

naked, spank a chiropractor, make

love to a V.C.R. Maybe that's why

I became a random collector of

kneecaps.

Hey, big guy.

Have mine....

TORTOISE SHELL NON-SMOKER

Smoke all you want.

HAWK:

Thank you, Jesus.

The Non-smoker fumbles out a pack of cigarettes and

flees. Tommy slides a cappuccino in cup and saucer down

the bar saloon-style. A smiling Hawk picks it up, turns

away from the bar and closes his eyes, bringing the cup

to his lips until it EXPLODES re-splattering coffee over

Hawk's war-torn blazer. Nobody notices.

All Hawk sees is the usual sea of oblivious and loud

self-obsession until he scans to a far corner table of

Mafia types where a cocky thug ANTONY MARIO, smiling

directly at Hawk, thrusts a silencer-gun back down his

pants.

The threatening, hair-slicked-back leader, CESAR MARIO,

gives Hawk a come-hither finger wiggle.

13 BACK OF THE BAR 13

With concern, Tommy watches Hawk walk over to them.

HAWK:

Cute shot, Antony.

ANTONY:

F*** you, Eddie.

With sudden ferocious anger, Hawk cracks Antony across

the jaw into a chair. A SCARFACED BODYGUARD, pulling

a knife, is kept in check by the cool Cesar.

HAWK:

Cesar Mario, Antony Mario, when

did the circus get in? Who killed

my monkey?

(CONTINUED)

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