How to Plan an Orgy in a Small Town Page #3

so, I'll let you

get back to your wife.

- I assume you're married.

- Oh, yeah, actually.

Okay, uh, well, uh,

thanks for everything.

You actually know my wi...

...sweetie, we talk about

you warning me before you

release your demons.

That face you make

it's like staring into the sun.

A lot of that is involuntary.

You didn't call.

What was I supposed to say?

You will now have a passage

from Maureen's first Victoria

book read by Heather Mitchell,

president of the Victoria of the

true north festival committee.

"Victoria had always been aware,

ever since her first memories,

that she was very near

to a world of deviant morality.

But sometimes,

just for a moment,

her loved ones neared it,

and she caught a glimpse,

of the bewitching world beyond,

and she knew that it would

be her life's work...

To keep herself

and others from it."

I hate everything.

Remember when you left me here

alone with all of these people?

The sooner I get out

of here, the better.

- She just had to show up today.

- Oh, my god.

- It's her mother's funeral.

- Oh, button it.

- I'm gonna go give her a piece of my mind.

- Honey, don't...

is this really the best place

for a confrontation like this?

Cassie Cranston.

Heather Murray.

Or, is it Mitchell now?

On behalf of beaver's Ridge

welcoming committee,

I would like to formally

let you know

that you are not welcome.

That is,

you are not welcome here.

Wow.

As far as condolences go,

that was original.

Did I go something?

You did something

to this entire town.

Right, the article.

Is that it?

You may have grown up here,

but you know nothing about us.

I mean, we get up to some

pretty wild shenanigans.

Like what?

The true north festival?

- The apple butter parade?

Hey, I don't mean

to butt in here,

but I will not stand idly by,

while you trash talk

the apple butter parade.

Bruce, everybody, can we just

please give Cassie a break?

Whose side are you on,

really, Adam?

Wipe that smile off your face.

You think you're the only one

who's had a little excitement?

Well, let me tell you,

I have had my share

- of excitement.

- Okay. Do tell.

I slept with a black man

in college.

My stars.

Ever been with a woman?

I kissed a girl once,

I didn't care for it.

Sex tape?

We make them, and watch them often.

Big whoop.

Anything else?

Have you ever been in an orgy?

I'm sorry.

Hey, you know, hon',

it's been kind of a rough day,

we've got a little time

before dinner,

maybe we could, uh, you know...

- I'm not ovulating.

- Yeah, I know, I know.

I just thought maybe we

could, uh, have a little fun.

Oh, sweetie...

no. Fun time was yesterday

just... just like the

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