How to Be Single

Synopsis: There's a right way to be single, a wrong way to be single, and then...there's Alice. And Robin. Lucy. Meg. Tom. David. New York City is full of lonely hearts seeking the right match, be it a love connection, a hook-up, or something in the middle. And somewhere between the teasing texts and one-night stands, what these unmarrieds all have in common is the need to learn how to be single in a world filled with ever-evolving definitions of love. Sleeping around in the city that never sleeps was never so much fun.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Christian Ditter
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  3 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.1
Metacritic:
51
Rotten Tomatoes:
47%
R
Year:
2016
110 min
Website
3,418 Views


1

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL WHOOPING AND CHEERING)

ALICE:
There is

a right way to be single.

Hey. How are you?

(CHUCKLES) Hi.

Oh, when's your wedding?

Eighteen months after

I meet the right guy.

Okay.

ALICE:
And a wrong way

to be single.

And then there's this guy.

(PHONE RINGING)

Good morning.

Hi. You want a hand with that?

ALICE:
We're embarrassed

to admit we're single,

and try to pretend

that we're not.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (SNORING)

NURSE:
We need you

in Exam Room 3.

ALICE:
We're supposed

to act all cheerful

and happy about it.

What?

But why should we

be embarrassed?

We're living longer,

marrying later,

and refusing

to leave the party

before we're really,

really done.

So, why do we always tell our

stories through relationships?

Where's home?

Oh, I'm not going home.

No way.

(CLATTERS)

Shit.

(GASPS) Oh, my God.

(SING-SONG VOICE) Oh, my God.

Here, here.

Oh, my God, oh, my God...

I gotcha. Here you go.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

I did not think this through.

(LAUGHING)

(GIGGLES AND SNORTS)

I'm Josh.

I'm Alice.

ALICE:
But this story

isn't about relationships.

It's about all those

times in between

when maybe, just maybe,

our real life is happening.

This isn't a break-up. Okay?

We're just taking

some time apart.

It's temporary. Like, it's...

You know, it's like a break.

Bullshit!

(SIGHS) Josh, I've never

been on my own.

I went from living

with my parents,

to living in a dorm,

to living with you.

But we're happy, Alice.

Are we? Yeah.

Or are we just boring?

I'm not boring.

I'm fucking fun.

I say I'm gonna

do things all the time,

and I never, ever do them.

Like, I'm gonna learn to cook,

or take a self-defense class

or I'm gonna hike

the Grand Canyon,

and I never, ever do it.

That's not my fault.

You said the boots

made your feet hurt.

Look, if we really want

this to work long term,

I need to know who I am alone

and I don't want to spend my

life wondering "What if?"

This is stupid.

The minute you walk out of here

you're gonna realize

how much shit I do for you

and how great I am

and how much you need me,

and you're gonna

start stalking me.

(CHUCKLES SLOWLY)

And that's sad.

(EXHALES)

This is gonna be

great for both of us.

Yeah.

We need to know what it's like

to be single, at least once.

Can't you just f*ck

one of my friends?

(CHUCKLES)

Just do something

to make me hate you.

This is gonna be

the right thing.

Oh, God.

I'm gonna miss your boobs.

(CHUCKLES)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Does this make it work?

(BEEPS)

Yes! Yes.

There, good. Good.

No. No, no.

(GASPS) Yes. Yes. Okay.

Yes. Yes, yes, good. Oh!

MAN:
Whoa! Whoa!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SCREAMS)

Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh!

What the hell

are you doing here?

I'm cooking you breakfast!

No, okay. I don't do breakfast.

Right? You need to get out!

You're in my apartment!

Put the...

This is not my apartment.

F*ck. Sorry.

I might be a little drunk.

Oh.

I might actually wipe

my fingerprints off that.

You were great last night.

Was I?

(WHISPERS) I can't remember.

MEG:
Okay, let's go to

your happy place.

What if I poop?

I won't even notice. Oh, God.

It's totally natural.

Women have been doing this

for thousands of years, okay?

How many babies have you had?

(WOMAN PANTING)

Well, I've delivered

about 3,000 of them.

Didn't you want one?

You know what?

I just felt like society

doesn't let you

pursue your dreams

once you have children.

And I didn't feel like

I wanted to give up my identity

to be a slave to some

Rate this script:(5.00 / 3 votes)

Abby Kohn

Abby Kohn is a writer and producer, known for How to Be Single (2016), The Vow (2012) and He's Just Not That Into You (2009). more…

All Abby Kohn scripts | Abby Kohn Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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