Hotel Noir

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I know.

I'm not what you expected.

Honestly, I'm not what I expected either.

But what my mother expected.

You could say I'm unexpected all around.

I install shower doors.

Glass ones.

On the side I paint pets.

Not paint the pets, I do portraits of pets.

You figure, wait a minute.

Shower doors probably means he gets

a lot of lonely housewives coming on to him.

Maybe an average looking,

but with a friendly manner

and an optimistic outlook of life,

then I can say yes.

It happens sometimes.

Or at least once.

With a good-looking lady, that is.

It happened another time,

but I rather not think about that.

Whew!

Anyway, I was finishing the installation

when she walked in.

Contrary to popular belief...

Beg your pardon?

Kittens love taking showers.

contrary to popular belief.

Yeah?

Do you mind if I try out the shower

and make sure it doesn't have a leak?

The shower's not gonna leak.

No...

My work is guaranteed.

Oh!

Oh.

Yes.

Oh.

I hate awkward silences.

I know what you mean.

You are a very difficult man to read,

Eugene.

Am I?

Because 'Oh' could mean several things.

It could be an encouraging

ohhh...

Or it could be an

'Oh, I play for the opposite team.'

Is that what you think?

I hope not.

Oh, what about your husband?

I don't want to talk about him.

But he's not gonna walk in now

while you're taking a shower?

No, no, lately he comes home late

if he comes home at all.

It's a heavy workload at work, he says.

She was a little redundant.

I noticed that right away.

But I don't mind that in a woman.

You know?

I know, times are tough.

Do you wanna keep talking about him?

Or...

do wanna watch me take a shower?

As you can probably imagine,

I had 200% of zero interest

in talking about her husband.

I just wanted to make sure it wasn't

some kind of kinky ruse

where he was gonna come busting in

with a baseball bat

and I end up gagging in some cellar.

I'd rather watch you take a shower.

Great!

I've never showered in front of someone else.

I could turn around.

You're a real gentleman, aren't you?

I was raised by a single mom, so...

she made sure I respected women.

It's...it's not easy for you guys

with us calling the shots

or thinking we do anyway...

and all we do is mess things up.

All you guys want is a little attention.

Somebody who...

holds your hand during dinner and

listens...

you know,

says thank you

and tells you your hair looks nice.

I knew the holding hands bit was overkill.

At least I didn't offer to give her a massage.

The damage was done.

She was drop dead gorgeous.

All that oxygen pumping in and out of her lungs.

I didn't ask for this, you know?

The first weekend we got together

he took me on a trip to Cabo.

And I found out later he had conned his way

into getting an upgrade using someone else's name,

which at the time I thought was reckless

and cute.

Maybe it was the heat or the ceviche

that went to my head

but somehow I had nineteen orgasms.

From eating ceviche?

With him in the room.

And I just thought, Holy Moly, you know...

This is the one.

I guess.

He knows how to make me feel.

I had to listen to my body.

I think there are a lot of guys

who can listen to your body.

You're sweet.

No, no, I mean...

your body really speaks loud and clear.

You think I'm vulgar?

No, no, I don't...

Not at all.

I think you're articulate.

Physically, is what I'm saying.

You think I'm fat.

My mother has gotten so fat.

No, no, you're not at all fat.

Let's talk about

what you were talking about before.

No, I don't wanna talk about him.

Me either.

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