Hot Property

Synopsis: Hot Property is an anarchic satire for 'generation rent'. An un-romantic comedy about love, greed and psychotic estate agents. Set amid London's deranged property market and self-parodying hipster culture.
Genre: Comedy
83 min

Hello, you've reached

Melody's phone.

Don't bother leaving a message

because I probably

won't listen to it.

You have 112 new messages.

Melody, it's Tommy,

you know, your landlord.

I know that times are hard,

but you need to pay that rent.

Melody, it's 12.30.

I've sent you another message

about your expenses!

Hi Melody, this is candy

from RVS r us,

and we've got your RV

all ready for burning man.

Melody, it's Sam.

Don't forget dinner tonight.

I'm sure you're looking

forward to it as much as I am.

Can you just tell your teenager

not to make things too weird.


London is going through

the greatest property boom

in history,

and I'm missing it

because of you.

Tommy is pretty pissed off

about the rent, Mel.

He said if you don't pay it

he's gonna come back

to London on air miles

and garrote you

with dental floss.

I'm not sure

that's even possible,

but if he's willing

to use up his air miles

he must be really f***ed off.

Melody, it's David Klein here.

I would very much like

to meet you for lunch.

Shall we say the at two o'clock?

You must think

I'm such an idiot.

I don't understand any of that.

I wouldn't say you're an idiot.

Oh. Well, maybe it's just

too much champagne.

It's really very simple.

Our new product is a medicine

based around a chemical

compound called Vincyclidine.

Going to make us pots of money.

- Excuse me, miss Munro?

- Yes?

A telephone call for you

at the bar.

Oh, how old school.

I'm so sorry,

will you excuse me?

- I'll be right here.

- Okay.

Don't go anywhere.

Melody Munro.

5,000 on a Winnebago rental?

Perhaps you could tell me

how your work demands

any need

for a luxury motor-home?

Excuse me, sorry.

What desserts do you recommend?

The Souffl's very popular,

but, personally, I recommend

the pear tart.

Hm. We'll have two of those.

Oh, and the bill.

My guest will be leaving soon.

Alan, Alan, stop talking.

I've just sent you the

recording of our conversation

and my write-up.

I'll be back in three weeks

after my holiday.

No, you will not, you will

be in my office in...

How the hell did she...

F***in' badass, tell you that.

Thank you, Barry.

I'm so sorry about that.

So, what do you say

we get these to go?

I know a very good

and very discreet hotel

'round the corner.

Oh, David,

that sounds wonderful,

but I've got things to do.


Come on, sack that off!

I'm not buying you lunch so you can

go back to emails and photocopying.

Yeah, I don't really do

photocopying in my work, David.

'Course, I'm sorry.

I'm sure your role

is very important.


I work

in competitive intelligence.

You're a corporate spy?

Oh, actually we're trying

to get away

from the whole spy thing.

But what I've just told you,

it's commercially sensitive!

It's-it's completely secret!

Sensitive, yes.

Secret, not so much anymore.

Oh, wow,

this has been

an expensive lunch!

You whore!

No, David...

that's what you thought I was.

I am f***ing you,

just not how you imagined.

So there's 100 pills,

your two ounces of Charlie,

two bottles of liquid Ketamine,

and my own special mish-mash,

2ci, 2cb, m-cat

and a couple of others

that haven't come out yet.

Will that do you?

- Alan?

- I've found another one!

2,347 on flowers, in may!

People like flowers, Alan.

If you like my flat so much,

maybe you could find it

in your barren heart

to pay me some f***ing rent.

Listen, I've done more

for this flat

than you've ever done.

That's probably true, but...

I also own it so...

unless we enter a state

of pure utopian Marxism

in the next 24 hours...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Andrew Cryan

All Andrew Cryan scripts | Andrew Cryan Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Hot Property" STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 23 Mar. 2023. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Hot Property


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.