Horns Page #3

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down by the Marina.

I'm thinking on my lunch

hour I should drive over there

and key her Saab. And put

dog sh*t on the driver's seat.

Or maybe I should just take

a dump on the seat myself.

Ignatius Perrish.

Long time no see.

Hey.

So, what brings you

in here this morning?

Well, can you see anything

that might be wrong with me?

You mean besides your horns?

Well, no, that's

exactly what I mean.

So you can see them?

Well, shouldn't you both

be shocked or something?

I think if I saw someone with

horns, I'd piss down my leg.

Well, they're kinda

hard to remember.

I mean, every time I look

away from you for a second...

I kinda forget that

you even have them.

Okay, but what are they?

I mean, do you, you know...

do you think they could

they be cancerous?

Could they be some weird

tumor or something?

Well, they're definitely

cause for concern.

They look inflamed.

Do they hurt?

Oh! Yes, like hell.

All right. You know how

I think we should proceed?

How?

I think I should grind me up

some OxyContin and have a little

snort. I mean, I'd share. We

could get f***ed up together.

No! Please, can you just focus

on my problem for a second?

Okay. I'm gonna

try, but it's hard.

I keep thinking about

this girl, Nancy...

Oh God.

that my daughter hangs out with.

God, I want her ass so bad.

Christ, can you just-

How are we gonna deal

with these things on my head?

You f***ing patients, all you

care about is yourselves.

Listen, Doctor, just saw

the goddamn horns off.

You sure this is

gonna work, right?

Not at all, actually,

but it'll be fun to try.

What?

Now just breathe normally.

What? No. Okay.

Doctor, please, if you're not

sure about we can just...

It'll be okay. Just breathe.

Just breathe.

Everything's gonna be fine.

That's right.

Have you seen

that girl before?

What's she doing?

I think it's Morse code.

And she's telling you to stop

checking her legs out in

church or she's gonna

give you a black eye.

Go forth in peace.

Eat my guts, Glenna!

Here we go.

Here we go.

Run, run, run!

Sorry, Scruffy.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

You sick F***.

Yeah, spread it's legs.

Yeah, put them

in one by one, guys.

I'm telling you, she

was doing Morse code.

She was sending me a message.

Yeah, I didn't even

think you liked girls, Ig.

Always thought

you were a fag.

Shut up, Meatbag.

What's

so special about her?

I mean, it's like y'all

never saw a girl before?

You guys are gonna

wanna find cover or else you'll

all be wearing turkey dinner.

Hey, get the f*** out.

What's wrong? What?

Sh*t.

Maybe it got wet.

Give me the lighter. Sometimes

it messes up and stuff.

Now you're literally Meatbag.

- Oh, man.

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