Homo Erectus

Synopsis: A philosophical caveman (Rifkin) yearns for more out of life than sticks, stones and raw meat.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Adam Rifkin
Production: National Lampoon Inc.
Rotten Tomatoes:
88 min

God damn it, Zog.

Sorry, Sorry about that dude.


- Jesus.

Damn day.

Dude, can I take that bone back?


What is it all mean?

What is our purpose?

Why are we here?

We're born, breathe, we die.

And then, we're forgotten,

only for another generation to

repeat the same seemingly irrelevant cycle.

All just seem so pointless.

And all along the way we mire ourselves

in the burdens and stresses of everyday modern life.

The more complicated we make our existence,

the more we destruct our conscious minds

from our inevitable mortality.

Oh, how it all makes me yearn

for the innocence of my childhood.

Those were the days.

I look back now nostalgicly at that time,

before adult responsibilities kicked in.

Oh, the frivolity of youth.

What am I talking about,

I was miserable most of my childhood

thanks to my

asshole older brother, Thudnik.

Luckily, our father was

a fair and just mediator.

Dad, Thudnik hit me in the head with a rock again.

What have you done?

Sorry dad, it was an accident.

Not you. You.

How many times have I told you

to stop whining?

Allright, well, maybe he wasn't so fair

and just when it came to me..

But he was the head of our tribe and

he knew how to keep his people safe from the Binadraks,

the tribe on the other side of the mountain.

Also he's a natural born charismatic leader,

he did have a certain "je ne sais qoi"

when it came to the ladies.


Of course, he set a questionable example

as he was flagrantly clubbing other women

right under the nose of my mother.


Doesn't that bother you dad's was dragging

other women into the cage.


everything is a question.

What bothers me is I've got a nurture a son.

Why did I even try?

Mom love being first lady so much that

as long as she had a nice fur to wear

she was capable of looking pass to anything.

Why can't you be more like

your older brother?

Come on.

He is a natural born leader,

and pretty soon he's

gonna be clubbing all the girls.

This gonna be...

If you gonna get tougher

Because this gonna be "bupkus" for you.


Girls, they...

They like of manly man.

That's what they like.

I didn't wanna club all the girls.

I didn't wanna club any of them.

There was only one girl for me.

Her name was Fardart.

She was the love of my life.

As far as she knew we were

just best friends but,

I dreamt some day we be more.

I'm in love with your brother, Thudnik.


But he is an idiot.

No, he's not.

He'll be head of the tribe one day.

He is a natural born leader

and he's so cute.

He is a minkukel.

You're smart, unique, reflective person.

You deserve someone better.

Someone like...

- Like who, Ishbo?


- Fardart! Time to pick lice off your brother.

Coming mom.

Can you talk to him?

See if he likes me.

Don't let him know I've asked you, though.


You're the best, Ishbo.

I'm such a wuss.

That was then and this is now.

The good news is, I think the other members

of my tribe are finally starting to appreciate

my insatiable quest for the

unlocking of lifes grand mistery.

Or not.

In either event, I'm not giving up.

Life's a puzzle.

And all the pieces are scattered around for everyone to see.

I just need to put it all together.

The ony trouble is, how the hell am I

supposed to figure out the meaning of life,

when I'm surrounded by freakin' Neanderthals?

No matter what obstacles the Gods through our way,

the tribe was always pretty much the same.

As was our daily existence.

The three S's always apply: Shelter,

Sustenance and Survival.

Breakfast usually consisted of some sort of

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Adam Rifkin

Adam Rifkin (born December 31, 1966), sometimes credited as Rif Coogan, is an American film director, producer, actor, and screenwriter.His career ranges from broad family comedies to dark and gritty urban dramas. Rifkin is best known in Hollywood circles for writing family-friendly comedies like MouseHunt and 2007's Underdog.Most recently, Rifkin directed 2017's The Last Movie Star. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Homo Erectus" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 10 Apr. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/homo_erectus_10117>.

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