Home Sweet Hell

Synopsis: Don Champagne seems to have it all: a successful business, a perfect house, perfect kids and a perfect wife. Unfortunately, when his wife, Mona (Katherine Heigl), learns of Don's affair with a pretty new salesgirl (Jordana Brewster), this suburban slice of heaven spirals out of control. Don soon realizes that Mona will stop at nothing, including murder, to maintain their storybook life where "perception is everything".
Director(s): Anthony Burns
Production: Vertical Entertainment
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
98 min


Come on, it's my turn.

- It's my turn.

- I don't care, you've had it forever.

You're not playing fair!

Don't be a sore loser.

If you cannot argue constructively,

what will Mother do?

Destroy our video games.


And the gaming system.

Burn it while we watch.

That's right. Don't forget

what happened to your Legos.

Well, you get me somebody

that's authorized to say yes...

...or I'm gonna find

another finance company.

And that's the truth.

I got a three thousand dollar order.

The numbers look good.

He's already pre-approved,

plus we got everything in stock.



- Hello?

- Come in.

Can I help you?

I'm here about the job posting

on Craigslist.

- Wonderful.

- "Energetic people person...

...who is a well-oiled selling machine...

...that wants to better civilization

through the fine furniture of the world."

I didn't write it. But it is good.

- Don Champagne.

- Dusty.

Hi, Dusty. Welcome to

Champagne Furniture and Rugs.

Thank you.

Would you like to sit down?

- I would love to.

- Great.

So, what kind of jobs do you give? Had.

Yeah, baby! She's the one, boss.

Well, you know...

- I'll review all the applications tonight.

- We need this.

We don't need this.

Come on.

You know my wife has Crohn's.

She cries all day.

And violent bowel movements. It's horrific.

Oh, I'm sorry. But what's your point?

Point? Eye candy!

We need something to look at

during the day.

Something to take our minds

off that suffering.

- You should know better than anybody.

- All right.

Look at that.

All right, well... Okay.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Did you find someone?


What's his name?


Not another Mexican, is it?

You know what Daddy says,

"Hire a Jew."

All they do is make money.

Yes. I know...

No. It's not a Mexican.

Speaking of my parents,

they're gonna swing by here...

...on their roadtrip

for Andrew's birthday party.


You're gonna need to work on the lawn.

What's wrong with the lawn?

Oh, Daddy wouldn't approve

of those hedges.

Well, it's not his lawn.


He did help pay for the house, Don, so I

guess that makes it partially his lawn.

Does he partially own the kids...

...because he pitches in

for their private school?

He just wants what's best for them.

And I don't?

Of course you do.

You're gonna dress like that

and we're gonna review your goals?

Our goals.


We need this retreat in Florida.

A second store in Shady Springs.

And we need to move to

the Wildwood Collection by next Summer.

We're gonna achieve our goals, Don...

...because we have standards

and strategy.

Now, focus!

It's hard to stay focused

when I've got this healthy erection.

We will have sex on the 9th...

...as scheduled.

Until then you can take care of yourself.

What if I just slide it

between your butt cheeks?

No penetration.

We will have sex on the 9th,

as scheduled.

And you need to work out.

You looked a little bloated

in the last commercial.

- Love you.

- More than the moon and the stars?

More than the moon and the stars.

One, two. One, two, One...


Already? That's impressive.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone...

They don't need to finance

and they asked for rush delivery.

So, what do they want?

Just a chocolate La-Z-Boy recliner.

Hey, hey, hey! A sale is a sale.

Better to be lucky than good.

That's a great saying.

There's no luck needed, though.

I was watching you out there.

You're a natural.

Don't pop this inside.

I like it when you watch me.

You do...?

Who am I speaking with?

Dagmarro? That's a nice name.

What is that, Canadian?

This is Don Champagne

of Champagne Furniture and Rugs.

We've got a little bit of a problem here.

I ordered

an espresso Modernica in a pull-out...

...and you sent it to me in a sectional.

...Scrooge had no further dealings

with ghosts...

...but it was always said

he knew how to keep Christmas well...

...if any man alive

possessed the knowledge...

Jump in the shower

and clean yourself up.

"So as Tiny Tim observed...

'God bless us, everyone.'"

Collector of the finer things in life?

Exclusive art? Italian leather?

I'll leave your cut on the bed.

Handwoven rugs?

Maybe even a rare floor lamp?

Well, look no further

than Champagne Furniture and Rugs...

...where we carry the coolest,

sleekest furniture...

...for your home, office, or yacht.

Come on down and let our family...

...here at

Champagne Furniture and Rugs...

...fill your furnishing desires.

I'm Don Champagne, tastemaker.

And the pleasure is all mine.

How are the French lessons?

They are... kind?

And how about you, Allison?

What have you learned?

It's a... beautiful, difficult,

and interesting language.

But with adequate time and study...

I will easily become accomplished.

I have no doubt, darling.

Just make sure

you work with your brother.

Oh, and make sure your clothes

are ironed before school tomorrow.

You must look better than everyone else,

always. No exceptions.

Perception is key.

Perception is everything.

Can I go play X-Box now?

"May" we, not "can" we. And yes.


Thank you, Ally.

Good job, buddy.


Honey, how was your day?

Same old, same old.

Did the new hire make a sale?

Actually, she did.

Her name is Dusty?

- How old is she?

- I don't know.

She's a single mother.

Just moved here.

Has some...

Some very good references.

We're trying to run a business, Don.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Carlo Allen

All Carlo Allen scripts | Carlo Allen Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Home Sweet Hell" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/home_sweet_hell_10102>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Home Sweet Hell

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.