Holy Matrimony

Synopsis: A young couple, Havana & Peter, rob a county fair of its daily receipts and escape to Canada to hide out in the Hutterite community where Peter was raised. While there, they get married to satisfy the conservative elders in the community. Peter hides their loot in a secret hiding place, but then soon dies in a car wreck. His much younger brother Zeke is called upon to replace his brother and marry Havana. Zeke already hates Havana because he believes she is what changed his brother. She begins looking through everything that was Peter's, and Zeke rightly deduces that Peter hid something from her. He finds the money, along with a newspaper article that mentions Peter as the prime suspect in the robbery. Zeke initially uses the cash to trick his bride into doing housework. Later he shows it to the elders, who deem that it should be returned to its rightful owners. Zeke and Havana (who claims innocence of the source of the money) are sent on a quest back to the US to return the money.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Leonard Nimoy
Production: Buena Vista
93 min


[People Laughing, | Chattering]

[Roller Coaster Going By, | People Screaming]

[Barker] | Come on, step on up.

Two bucks a ball, three for five. | You might get lucky.

See something you haven't seen before. | Watch our Marilyn twirl.

[Man] | Come on, reach in.

[Barker] Give 'em a thrill, boys. | Give 'em a thrill.

When the weather's hot like this, | I keep my panties in the refrigerator.

[Men Howling]

- [Bell Ringing] | - [Barker] We have a winner.!

[Men Whistling, Howling]

[Barker] Come on, fella. | How 'bout you? Two bucks a ball.

That worth two bucks a ball? | Look at that skin up there.

Pretty fine, folks. You oughta | get in here, get some of this.

I am gonna be someone. | And this is step number one.

Yeah? | Step one to what?

I'm gonna go where | all the lights stay on.

Where all those little flashbulbs go off | like they do for Madonna and Cher.

My mama sat alone | in the dark.

Not me. Uh-uh.

You know... | Marilyn wasn't always Marilyn.

She had to do stuff | to get to be Marilyn.

And it wasn't always | stuff she liked.

She did it anyhow.


Eye on the ball.

Keep your eye | on the ball.


Sorry, Mr. Greeson. | Is my check ready?

What's the matter? | You been cryin'?

Ah, forget it.

You think just because | I'm the boss, I got no ears.

Come on. | Sit down here. Talk to me.

It's just... | [Sighs]

I don't want | anyone to hear.

Well, we can | go in my office.

Come on. | [Jangles Keys]

[Locks Safe Door]

Come on.



So, what is it, Havana? | You can tell me.

It's... Peter.

He said he really loved me...

and he started screwing | the cotton candy girl.

- [Crying] | - Oh, there, there, there.

There, there, there, now.

- [Crying Continues] | - Havana, honey.

- You'll be fine. Now just | have a good cry, yes. | - [Crying Continues]

Oh, that's right.

- That's right. Yeah. | - He broke my heart.

[Havana Mock Crying]

[Mr. Greeson] You'll be fine. | Don't worry about a thing.

[Mock Crying Continues]

Honey, that farm hand is | beneath a beautiful woman like you.

What you need is a man | mature enough to appreciate...

- what a lady like you has to offer. | - I do?


Hey, get your hands | off of my woman.!

Come on. Let's go. | Let's go. It's right here. I got it all.

[Radio Broadcast] | A Metro girl got a new lease on life...

thanks to surgery | at the hospital for sick children.

Tracy Hooper was given the liver | of an nine-year-old accident victim | in a four hour operation.

Hooper is in critical but stable condition, ; | normal after such an operation.

The forecast:
; mostly sunny | skies today with brisk winds.

Expected high near 52 degrees. | Clear tonight with a low...

Wake up, wake up!

- We gotta pack. Pack! | - What?

Come on. We gotta go, now. | Move it.

Jesus Christ! | We're screwed!

"PeterJakobson is being sought | for state fair robbery"! Some brilliant...

- I didn't see any goddamned camera. | Move! Let's pack. | - Where are we going?

[People Singing | In Hutterite German]

[Man] | "Now, therefore...

"if you will obey My voice and needs, | and keep My covenant...

"then you shall be | a peculiar treasure unto Me...

"above all people.

For all the earth is mine."

[Rock 'N'Roll]

I never know where | I'm going to

Kinda takin'it | day by day

Day by day

Day by day

Day by day | Day by day

I'm not hanging out | at some wacko commune...

like a '60s leftover | waiting to get brainwashed.

No phones, no TV, no newspapers; | nobody will find us.

And it's not a commune. | It's, it's a colony.

A religious colony. | One of 300.

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David Weisberg

David Weisberg is an American screenwriter, best known for writing 1996 film The Rock, which he co-wrote with his writing partner Douglas Cook, who died on July 19, 2015. His other credits with Cook include Payoff, Holy Matrimony, Double Jeopardy and Criminal. They also wrote another action thriller script Blank Slate, which is currently un-produced at Bold Films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Holy Matrimony" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 29 Sep. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/holy_matrimony_10079>.

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