Holy Flying Circus Page #2

head in to a new decade.

What will the Britain of the

future be like? Will it be prim?

Or full of quim? Oh, dear God.

You, bring me a chair.

So, how are you going to do all that

on what will essentially be something

quite like a chat show? OK.

Random example.

We have a homeless guy. What?

Hear me out, big man.

We have a homeless guy

on the same show as the Queen.

Oh, right...Really?

No, it's just an example.

I'm showing you what's possible.

I'm reaching into your tiny mind

and opening the doors of the TARDIS.

It's a police box. Whoosh!

No it's not, it's Narnia. You!

I want you to build me a set

that looks like I've dropped acid

in Hawaii. Oh yeah.

I'm out there. It'll be like

when Dylan went electric.

That's what's happening, so

boo me, beardy, or get on board.

Sorry, who are you?

Well, I'm Alan Dick.

I'm the new BBC Head of Talk. So...

I'm confused. It's my first day.

Do I answer to you, or do I work

for the producer, Iain Johnstone?

You answer to me. Oh.

Oh. Brilliant. Isn't it?

All these 'orrible bags...I dunno.

Oh!

This is a bit of script

from Life of Brian.

This looks like

it might be quite offensive.

I should pass this on to someone who

might find it even more offensive.

All right, Desmond. The usual, is it?

Yes, please, Keith.

And a pint of mild, thanks.

ARSE, BALLS, PRICK, SH*T!

No problem.

There's your pint of lager.

Keep the change. Cheers. Grand.

Sam tells me you've got news

on the Life of Brian.

Prepare to be blown away...

I'M NOT QUEER!

Where did you get hold of this?

A man found out it

out walking his dog.

You didn't steal it did you?

No. A man really did find it while

out walking his dog. WANKER!

Is it real? I DID IT WITH STENCILS!

I didn't.

I've got a friend who is a comedy

writer and a committed Christian.

Really? It's odd, isn't it?

Anyway I'll show him this and if

he can verify it's 100% genuine

we can get the ball rolling. BALLS!

Sorry.

Well, I suppose congratulations are

in order. Well done, Desmond.

Cheers.

SCROTUMS! Cheers! BANJO F***ER!

The bad language.

Is it, is it...are you...?

The doctor suggested

seeing a therapist.

A bit American, isn't it?

YANK ME! It is a bit. Of course,

the irony is a few hundred years ago

someone like me would probably

have someone like you burnt at the

stake for being possessed by demons.

That's not very nice.

BELL-END!

What about this?

We get Harold Wilson.

Harold Wilson

the former Prime Minister?

OK. I can work with that.

Yeah. Harold Wilson.

And a bin man.

Ask them the same question -

why is this country such a mess?

But the bin men are on strike?

You're right.

Sh*t idea. F*** it, bin it... it's

gone, it's history. Moving on.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes