Synopsis: HITS is a dark comedy exploring the nature of fame in 21st Century YouTube America. The film takes place in a small town in upstate New York populated by people who trade in unrealistic expectations. Its a story in which fame, delusion, earnestness, and recklessness meet, shake hands, and disrupt the lives around them.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): David Cross
Production: Honora Productions
Rotten Tomatoes:
96 min

You are an amazingly

talented woman.

Thank you.

I mean, you have

an amazing voice.

I love...

I've said that to you before.

Thank you.

You're a great artist,

and you write...

and you write great songs.


I just think you're so talented.

Oh, thank you.

Are you surprised

by all the attention

that is going on right now

surrounding you?

To be honest, Ellen, no.

I'm just so excited to announce

my record with Kanye

and my movie

with Robert Pattinson

that is gonna do great

in theaters.

We're gonna do

"would you rather."

Would you rather date

Robert Pattinson

or Taylor Lautner?


You're so bad.

I have a boyfriend,

Ryan Gosling.

But, actually,

on a serious note,

Ryan and I will be going

back to my hometown

to open an owl sanctuary.

My dumb hometown.

Excuse me.

I have a question

about the metal.

I... can I just dump this?

I have a used kettle.

Do I put it

in the regular trash,

or do I put it...

Plug-in or stove-top?


Hey, Rich.

Hey, Dave.

Dale around?

Yeah, he's inside.

Who's she?

I don't know.

New, I guess.

Man, there's more and more

of them every day, right?

Fucking "citiots."

Hey, did you get

your road paved yet?

Don't start in on that shit

with me, Dave.

That's your tax dollars,

you know.

I wrote two letters to the ACLU

because I didn't get

my due allotted time

at a town council meeting.

See, the problem is,

you've got these troglodytes

running everything,

and guess what direction

they're running towards:

The ground.


Every institution that

these morons deem precious...

the IMF, the UN, the DEA,

FDA, HEF, CDC, everything...

is being run

right into the ground.

And they're all

in collusion with each other.

That's how it works.

You have been sold a false

bill of goods, my friends,

and now it's time

for these insipid ignoramuses

to crawl back

under the rocks they came from

and leave the seeding

and the flowering of liberty

to those that can nurture

and care for it:

You and me, my friends.

We need to drain the swamp.

Top of the next hour,

we're gonna talk

to Lieutenant Grace Rittle,

ex-military command...

Day 128.

Hello, Mr. Stuben.

This is Megyn McKibbons

with the Montgomery County

Commissioner's Office.

We received your emails

and phone messages.

As you are aware,

the council meets every...

I already knew that.

And council meetings

are open to the public.

Public comment

may be made in person

at the county council meeting

or prior to the meeting

via regular U.S. mail.

Hi, Dad!


Oh, my god, I have to ask you

a huge favor.

- I need to borrow...

- Here we go.

Borrow, not take or have.

I need to borrow $300.

I don't have that kind of

money to throw around, Katelyn.

I know, Dad; I know, I know.

But it's really,

really important.

It's for my demo.

My friend Julie... you know her;

You really like her.

She has a cousin;

He's super cool.

Okay, Dad, he has a studio

in his house.

He'll let me record my demo

in his house.

But I thought American Idol

already said no.

God, Dad,

it's not American Idol.

I already told you that.

It's The Voice.

Shakira's on it.

Babe, I just don't have

that kind of money.

Besides, you still owe me

the money you borrowed

to get the car fixed.

I know, I know, I know

I still owe you for that.

Dad, just please, please,

just add it to what I owe you.

Babe, I just don't

have any cash.

I really don't.

Okay, well, then, like,

$100, then?

Because I'm gonna have $200

left over after rent this month.

Is that good?

I mean, what if you just

move back in for a bit?

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David Cross

David Cross (born April 4, 1964) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, director, and writer, known primarily for his stand-up performances, the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show, and his role as Tobias Fünke in the sitcom Arrested Development. Cross created, wrote, executive produced, and starred in The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, developed and had a prominent role in Freak Show, appeared on Modern Family, portrayed Ian Hawke in the first three live action/CGI films starring Alvin and the Chipmunks, and voiced Crane in the Kung Fu Panda film franchise. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Hits" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 10 Jul 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/hits_10027>.

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