High Road

Synopsis: High Road showcases a totally improvised script about Glenn "Fitz" Fitzgerald (James Pumphery), a young man whose loyalties are split among his band, his girlfriend Monica (Abby Elliott) and selling weed. After his band breaks up, Fitz finds himself dealing pot out of his garage and bonding with a rebellious 16-year-old Jimmy (Dylan O'Brien). As his former band mates (Zach Woods, Matt L. Jones, Lizzy Caplan) find success and one of his drug deals goes awry, Fitz and Jimmy hit the road. Amid guns, broken bones, sassy cabbies, rude hookers, and a suspicious doctor (Horatio Sanz), Fitz has to navigate their way to safety-and he doesn't even know about the surprise Monica has in store for him back home!
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Matt Walsh
  1 win.
87 min

So, just so you

know, I get high a lot.

Like a lot a lot.

Any three things

can be a triangle.

Any three things.

You, me, the car.

Any three things

without exception.

I send a message

at 3:
00 a.m.

It's old news to you

That I've been

drinking again

In love with you

replacin' my old friends

So if you've got the time,

this is how my story begins

They told me

I was born to lose

I got a winner's heart

But a failure's shoes

There's not much

that I can do

But if I had the chance,

I'd try to marry you

Thanks for wasting time

With me again

Well, thanks

for wasting time

On me

Your friends think

they're better than me

And if I thought real hard,

I'd have to agree

I smoke cigarettes

and too much weed

And I cuss a lot

when I drink whiskey

I wanna give you

what you need

I got a lot of flowers

and no money

There's not much

that I can be

But I swear to God

I got devil in me

Thanks for wasting time

With me again

Well, thanks

for wasting time on me

Thanks for wasting time

With me again

Well, thanks

for wasting time on me

Any three things in the

world can be a triangle.

Okay. What's you, me and this joint?

How is that a triangle?

Because we're getting high,

and it's bringing us

closer together.

Okay. I like that.

I feel like moving.

Why are you going away from me?

Are you a backseat virgin?


Oh, my God, you're totally

a backseat virgin.

I'm not. Yeah, you are.

I got my shoelace caught

on my e-break.


Cheers. Cheers.

Abundant smokehouses there tonight,

of the people who were there.

Why don't you call girls girls?


Just call them girls.

It's this kind of insensitivity

that will prevent you

from ever getting premium trim.

God! Ew. What?

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry.

But you're like my brothers.

What does that mean?

Yeah. Why did you say "trim"?

"Trim"? "Premium trim"?

Okay, let's just clear

the air, okay?

I like a girl's sniz. "Sniz"?

I love having

a mouthful of smacker.

What's smacker?

The southern muscle.

What? The muscle.

Southern muscle? Ugh!

Below the equator

lives a muscle, and...

Oh, my God.

Put your hand down, please.

You talk like a car salesman

when you talk about girls.

I wanna talk to you.

I am getting bumped up the ladder at CCR.

All right!

Oh, that's great.

I am not gonna be able

to attend rehearsals

with the same amount

of frequency that we have...

I can't go to as many... I can't

go to as many rehearsals.


I can go to no rehearsals.

And similarly, we're gonna have

to scale back shows on my end.

I cannot go to any shows.

So I'm going on a hiatus

for a while.

So you're quitting the band?

No, I'm not quitting the band,

but I am taking, again,

a hiatus that will last indefinitely

and probably permanent.

Actually, uh, um...


Sheila and I got... We're gonna

headline the Roxy next Saturday night.

That's awesome. Oh, my God!

Everybody was saying their good news.

I wanted to say our good news.

I didn't wanna tell you, 'cause

I didn't want you to freak out.

We're doing better

than Tor Eagle.

Right now.

I am learning many instruments.

That's why you got that fife.


I don't think that we...

I don't have time

for Tor Eagle anymore.

Are you quitting the band too?

I'm not quitting.

I just need

to maybe take a break,

'cause we're doing better.

Define "better."

We're getting paid to do shows.

It's like Michael Jackson was good in

the beginning, but then he sucked.

Now he sucks 'cause he's f***ing

dead just like we're f***ing dead.

You guys are the doctor

who killed Michael Jackson.

You guys are killing Tor Eagle.

He was doing the best he could.

That's so mean.

You're on the doctor's side.

You would be on the doctor's side.

I am on the doctor's side.

F***ing sh*t.

Malpractice suits are rampant.

I'm saying

this is not a bad thing.

This is out of the ashes

the phoenix will rise.

I wanna be in a band.

I've wanted to be in a band forever,

and now, all of a f***ing

sudden, I'm not in a band.

And my best f***ing friends

don't even give me any warning.

You give Starbucks

two weeks, a**holes.

Oh, that... No, that's

an old wives' tale.

You don't. It's just one week.

I worked there.

Well, I got two minutes.

So I guess tonight

was our last gig.

Thanks for letting me know.



Shut... Shut up.


Let's go! Get down here!

Jimmy! Here you go.

Listen, I want you going

to school today, okay?

I don't want you running around the

neighborhood doing whatever it is you do.

- Hey! You understand that?

- Yes or no? What?


Look, I get it, okay? I get it.

Mom's not here anymore,

and it sucks.

But I'm dealing with it.

And you need to start dealing

with it, too, all right?

And go to school today.

Jesus Christ!

What's up, dude? Hey.

I'm gonna sit down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm working in my office.

Baby-cakes, I'm leaving.


Bye. Bye.


I made you lunch. You did?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Monica, this is Jimmy. Ohh!

Hello. Hi.

He's a neighborhood kid

I'm helping out.

Kind of mentoring him

or, like, whatever.

Oh. That's nice.

Jimmy, do you want a cookie?

Uh, yeah. Okay.

Hey. Yo, yo. Fitz man.

Hey, dude.

You're early.

You've met Uncle Creepy, right?

He's my buddy.

I don't think I have, no.

He's like a buddy

from old days.

It's Bob, okay?

Very nice to meet you.

Not Creepy.

All right. Awesome.

The rock opera is based

on the triangle theory.

It's like a triangle theory.

Like all things in the universe

are, like...

they come in threes,

so they're connected

in groups of three.

So, like, you and me would

be, like, you, me and weed.

I... No...

It's like Jimmy and me,

I guess.

It's like me and Jimmy

and the garage.

Right. Everything's a triangle.

Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get it. Yeah.

You get it. Okay.

Boom, kaboom. Cool.

Dude, thank you. Great. Yeah.

You wanna play some

PS3 or something?

- Let me tell you a story.

- Okay.

I was in Miami covering Haiti.

Did you then go to Haiti?

No. But turns out

there was a real story in Miami

about transportation to Haiti.

Oh, okay.

And Wolf Blitzer

came through the airport.

He did? Yeah.

And I was like, "Hey, Wolf."

He's like, "Barry."

Were you starstruck?

Well, I mean, we go back.

You do? Yeah.

You're friends? Well...

You used to be friends? Yeah.

Wow! I mean, we have...

We have... I had no...

That's awesome!

We're brothers in news.

So you used to, like,

hang out or what?

How does that work? Yeah.

I mean, you know...


He'll watch a segment of mine,

and then, like, I'll see him

on the news that night,

and I'll just sort of be, like,

I can see it...

that he, like,

was inspired by my piece.

Anyway, he said to me,

"Barry, the news game...

it's a marathon, not a sprint."

And then he just went right through

airport security, straight to Haiti.

I want you to think

about two things. Okay.

Number one... Yeah.

What's my future look like...


With a rock opera guy?

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Matt Walsh

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "High Road" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 15 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/high_road_9956>.

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