Hellbenders

Synopsis: The Augustine Interfaith Order of Hellbound Saints, a team of blasphemous ministers who live in a constant state of debauchery, work to drag the worst of demons back to Hell.
Director(s): J.T. Petty
Production: Bloody Disgusting
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
4.8
Metacritic:
43
Rotten Tomatoes:
29%
R
Year:
2012
85 min
60 Views


Father?

Father?

Father?

There is your goddamn evidence.

Is it over?

The light!

Give me the light!

Heavenly God!

We are fucked.

No, no, no. You can ask

me anything you like.

So, we're here to

talk about exorcism.

I beg your pardon?

Exorcism.

Exorcism is extremely rare.

A ritual that requires

training and faith

and the authorization

of a bishop.

But let's not confuse

faith with superstition.

It is impossible to deny the existence

of demonic phenomenon.

As much as we try to shuffle off on brain

chemistry or psychology,

demons move among us.

This is fact.

No, no, no, no.

The idea that

debauchery and evil

can be confronted and defeated

by greater debauchery

and evil is heresy.

Any rumors of some sort of team

of hell bound exorcists are just that.

They simply do not exist.

So, yeah. The Pope is dead.

He was a pious guy.

No idea who

the new boss will be,

and how it will roll

down on the parish.

You're a dog.

Page four news.

Ain't that some shit?

Sad state of the world, man.

Hope Angus doesn't

let it ruin his birthday.

We really wanted to go

whole hog this year.

You know, tie one on,

drag it around until it is dead.

Angus loves cake

like a fat kid,

so I got to get him a cake.

Problem is,

cake ain't exactly a sin.

A little bit of gluttony maybe,

but that is some

candy-ass sinning.

Hey! That's mine.

That's my paper.

Oh, it's cool.

I will get it back to you.

But it's mine.

You just can't...

Hey, you want to come down here

and fucking do something about it?

Father!

I ain't your fucking dad!

You do not mess

with a man of God.

But I found this place

you can get cake

that ain't just some bullshit

cardboard thing, but an actual cake.

With a stripper

jumping out of it,

which makes it a sinful cake

and puts us on the work budget.

Hi, Miss Rainey.

Wow, look at that.

Is the girl inside already?

No, she doesn't get in

until the party.

Mmm.

What are you up to?

You know, a little lust.

Little sloth.

Cool. Little envy

on this end.

We had sex once.

Once. Ages ago.

Eleven months ago on Tuesday.

It was my second night here.

It was a passionless affair.

First time I tried crack.

Guys! I am trying to

concentrate here.

I'm married.

Penelope, my wife...

I mean, we are mad about each other.

Like teenagers, really.

I am going to be sick.

Hey, babe.

I was going to fry some eggs.

Do you want some eggs?

I want to go home.

Mmm.

What's good, Erik?

I wasn't doing anything.

That's cool.

Oh, my God.

I hate him so much.

I hate Larry so much.

Like Nazi cancer hate.

Can you believe that

Elizabeth had sex with him?

Him? F*ck!

That's so messed up.

Expenditures have to

match transgression,

especially with

a new Holy Father.

I mean, we have all

been falling behind.

I don't think any of us are

damnation ready except for Angus and I.

You? You're more

damnation ready than me?

Yes, sure I am.

How do you figure?

I mean, look,

gluttony, wrath, pride.

You're pretty solid,

but you've got one count...

One count of lust.

Granted, you were cheating on

your wife, but it's over a year old.

That's not going to fly, Larry.

You can't go to hell...

Speak of the devil.

Yeah, this applies

to you too, Elizabeth.

Last six months, you have been here

for some gluttony, pretty constant mast...

Mast... You know,

just all sorts of stuff.

Nothing serious.

You are still new here...

I am a woman

and you're a Catholic,

everything I do is a sin.

How are you sinning more

than me, huh?

You are not going to pull

that whole shellfish in Leviticus shit

on me again, are you?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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