Helicopter Mom Page #3

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No.

When was your first kiss?

What... what is this?

Do you wanna be kissed?

No.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I get it. Okay.

I am not here.

Just cleaning.

Just got stuff to do.

What do you think about

when you...

Okay, that's gross.

That is not okay to talk about.

We cannot talk about that, okay?

Got it, okay. Okay.

We don't have to talk about it.

No, we don't.

I'm just gonna ask you, though.

Do you... dust?

I'm not gonna...

I don't wanna talk about...

Masturbate... with you.

Okay. Got it.

I'm not even gonna...

That is cool.

I am totally out.

Dignify that question

with a response.

Okay.

Too loud.

I'm so sorry. I'm... I'm so sorry.

It's...

IF you like boys,

I'm totally into that.

IF I what?

I would support that 100%.

Okay.

In my sophomore year,

I had a thing with a girl.

I know. Mindy.

Mindy!

I know.

You listened! God.

I've heard the story

so many times.

The beautiful thing

about girl-on-girl action,

and boy-on-boy... They know what

they're doing. Okay, okay. No.

There wouldn't be, like,

a minute of, like,

"hey, don't touch that.

That's not a button."

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.

Mom? Mom? Mom?

Can I just do my homework,

please?

With being a little wild

and free in your youth.

I just wanna get to know you

a little bit better.

Okay, then join the PTA

like all the other moms.

Okay! I can do that!

Not really.

God, I love you!

That's a great idea.

No! Mom, no!

Make sure that everybody

is checking...

Hey, ladies! Maggie Cooper.

Sorry I'm late.

As I was saying,

prom will be here sooner

than you can believe!

Clap, clap, clap!

And, of course,

I am keeping track

of your mandatory

volunteer hours.

I'm looking at you, Norma.

You have to build the hours up.

I've noticed that your checklist

has been down.

Oh, for goodness sake,

is that a diaphragm

on our beautiful table?

It's all good.

Just gonna take notes.

I'm looking forward to

everybody's decoration ideas.

I know last year a lot of us

were in a slump,

so I know this year

you are going to wow me,

and I'm very excited.

Now, don't forget

to please make sure

you are on the correct

e-mail lists

for your respective committees.

And IF all of you

haven't signed up

as chair of committees

and roped in every single parent

from every single class,

it will be noted

by Barbara Wolfe.

Excuse me.

Who's Barbara Wolfe?

I am Barbara Wolfe!

Dr. Barbara Sloan

Huntington Wolfe

of the Pasadena

Sloan Huntingtons!

All good.

Namaste.

This meeting is adjourned.

Has Robert completed

his Zimmerman applications?

I hear it is due at the end

of the month.

Yes, and the, uh, Peterson

and the O'Reilly.

Oh! Good for Robert.

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