Hatchet

Come on, Pa. We've been

out here over three hours.

I mean, we don't even know

where the hell she went.

She's at least...

a 12-footer

if I ever saw one.

No, I ain't leavin' here

without her.

Man, I'm cold.

Shh.

Shut your hole.

Come on, man.

Can we pull over?

I gotta take

a piss.

Go off the side

of the boat.

Come on.

We ain't beachin' it.

Sh*t.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, come on, man.

I can't go like this.

Why in the hell not?

Well, 'cause it's weird

with you sittin' there

like that.

Just keep it down,

would ya?

See, no matter

what I say,

it's,

"Shut up, Ainsley,"

or, "You're queer,

Ainsley,"

or, "Why can't you be more

like your sister, Ainsley?"

I said shut up,

you little queer.

See?

See that?

A**hole.

What'd you say, boy?

Nothin'.

Now, don't make me throw

you in the swamp, now.

Yeah, you go-

Jesus Christ!

Jesus, son, what happened?

She tried to bite

my sack off!

You let her get away,

you moron!

Well, what the hell

was I supposed to do?

For crying out loud,

can we just pull over,

so I can finish

my damn piss? Lord!

Y'all hurry up now.

Goddamn queer's

gotta squat to take a leak.

Oh, sh*t.

Keep still, Ainsley.

I think she's back.

Well, what should I do?

Don't make a sound.

Stay right there.

Pa?

Did you get her?

Pa?

Maybe we can go home now?

Pa?

Huh?

Pa?

Pa?

Pa?

Come on!

Come and get it,

you b*tch!

I'll kill you!

Oh, God!

It hurts!

Oh, God!

Help me!

I need some beads.

Cheer up, man. This is

Mardi Gras. This is fun.

And I'm having a blast.

Oh, oh, right here, right

here, right here. Look at that.

Oh! Look at those b*obs

right there.

Hey!

Hey.

They're somethin'

new, right?

Haven't you seen

enough b*obs?

I'm just not feelin' this.

I- I shoulda stayed at home.

What, so you could sit in your

room and cry about Heather?

Christine.

Man, man. We came down here

to have a good time.

You? You're fighting it.

There's fun all around you.

Stop standing there

like a b*tch.

How is this fun?

This place is disgusting.

Our hotel room smells

like sweaty balls, man.

Everybody's just drunk

and looking for a fight.

You! You threw up six times

yesterday. How do you even do that?

You guys just stay

and have fun, all right?

I'm gonna go find

something to do.

What, by yourself?

DeWitt and Robinson told me about

this haunted swamp tour thing

that they did last year;

they said it was amazing.

You see all these, like, floating

lights and stuff on the water. Just-

You wanna leave all of this to go

look at some damn lights in a swamp?

You don't have to

come with me, Marcus.

Look, I'll see you guys

back at the hotel.

Cool.

Man, wait up, wait up.

Wait up, man. I'll go-

Marcus, no,

go ahead and-

No, no, no. I'm goin'

with you. It's cool.

Thanks, man.

Buddy, you're gonna be

so psyched you did this.

I think I'd rather

skin my own dick.

Right. It's official.

Here it is.

No more chicks.

They're closed.

No. They can't

be closed.

But indeed they are. There's

a big "Closed" sign and it's-

You're still knocking.

All right, this sucks.

It doesn't suck.

It's gonna be cool.

For you,

'cause you suck.

Shut up!

What do you want?

Uh... we wanted to do

a haunted swamp tour.

I don't do

night tours anymore.

I'm not allowed to.

Okay, it's just that our friends told

us that you did one here last year.

I can't do

night tours anymore.

Insurance got too high...

after what happened.

Too bad. Let's roll.

- W-w-w-w-wait.

Uh, what happened?

Oh, you don't want

to know.

I so do.

Here we go.

I led a tour group

out in the swamp

last Halloween.

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