Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie

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Hi. I'm Steven Weber.

And I play the murderer...

Thanks, Lyle.

...in this Handsome mystery movie.

Enjoy this exciting multiplatform event.

Tonight, "A Lil' Dab'll Do Ya. "

As a detective, there's no greater skill

that you can hone than your intuition.

I mean, if you can't trust your gut,

you might as well be

in parking enforcement.

- Yeah, I mean, go be a meter maid.

- A meter man.

Very good, Detective Rice. Very good.

You're looking at everything

from all angles.

All right, let's take a look

at the board, shall we?

What do you see?

What does your gut tell you?

I'm looking at the boner.

That man's dick is hard.

I think

it's the classic Margaritaville theory.

The theory that states

if a middle-aged man has too much

laid-back fun, he ceases to exist.

Yeah. Anyone else got a theory?

Detective Burt Jerpis.

I know, Detective Jerpis. I hired you.

We see this guy here, sure.

But is that the whole story?

How do we know

that this guy doesn't work

at a rental car agency

at the airport, all right?

And it's his boss' last day.

Maybe that guy's name is Roger.

Roger loves to golf.

So he and all of his coworkers

dress up like Roger.

Golfers. And you wanna know

what Roger always wanted to do?

Skydivings. So they all get in the car,

they go over to the airstrip

and they get in the skydivings plane.

They get up to 20,000 feet

and they get into an argument.

Maybe it's about a girl,

maybe it's about who had the right recipe

for the veggie chili.

We don't know the answer to that yet.

But then argument breaks out

and this guy gets strangled.

He gets thrown out

of that skydivings plane.

Guess where he lands, of all places?

- Golf course. Case closed.

- You know what?

Let's not trust our guts.

I'm sorry. That's not the boner

of a man still livin'.

Handsome! We need to talk now.

Yes, Lieutenant.

Yes.

You didn't fill out

your retirement papers.

- You pulled me out here for that?

- I thought you should know.

Of course I know.

I'm the one who didn't fill 'em out.

Don't try to complicate things

with your sweet talk.

Sweet talk?

You poor, innocent kid.

You just don't get it, do you?

No.

- What were we talking about?

- I have no idea.

Believe me, I'll remember.

And when I do, you'll know, missy.

Connie!

I just remembered what it was.

We have so many leftovers

from Waikiki Wednesday,

I think you should take these home.

No, no, no, I'm good.

I'm trying to watch my weight-

Oh, no, you don't understand.

- They've got thick frosting...

- Yeah.

- ... smeared just the way you like it.

- Yeah.

And they're shaped like beach balls

that just bounce right into your mouth,

bounce right into your belly

and bounce right outta your butt. Hmm?

I'm, uh... There's no way I'm taking

these, uh, home with me.

Hmm? Hmm?

Hello, Candy. Hello.

These are not mine.

That's all I'm saying. Don't ask.

Yeah. Every day's a tough one.

Every day's a tough one,

but it's so much better

when I come home to you.

I love you. I love you so much.

You're so pretty.

Do me a favor. See those cookies?

Don't let me eat 'em.

You hear me? If I go near those cookies,

you knock my ass over, all right?

'Cause you're capable of doing that,

you big fucker.

Yeah, let's go for a walk.

Hey, Handsome,

don't pretend I'm not here.

Durante.

Stop letting your dog shit on my lawn.

- Not hers. Don't recognize it.

- Of course it's hers.

It looks like her,

curled up as a piece of shit.

Okay, look at her.

She's not even looking at it.

She knows it's not hers.

There's no caginess about her.

No recognition whatsoever.

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