Half Baked

Synopsis: After Kenny accidentaly kills a cop's diabetic horse by feeding it the food he purchased from a munchie run, he is put in jail and is given a 1 million dollar bail. The rest of the group must bail Kenny out before Nasty Nate gets to him. The group decides to sell marijuana that Thurgood gets through his job as a janitor at a pharmaceutical lab. They become pals with rap star Sir Smoke-A-Lot and the rivals of dealer Samson Simpson. On the side, Thurgood seeks the love of Mary Jane, an anti-pot daughter of a dealer. What follows is typical pothead behaviour with a ton of cameos. Look carefully.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Tamra Davis
Production: Universal Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
82 min

- Wait, one

Wait, two


Hey. What's up, everybody ?

l'm Thurgood Jenkins.

You know, it's funny,

but l can trace the entire path

of my life to one childhood memory.

My last clear memory, really.

You see, it was the summer

before ninth grade.

lt was me, Brian, Kenny,


and of course

the loveable Old James.

Oh, hold on. Wait a minute.

Old James-- Old James wasn't there.

l don't even know nobody named

Old James. Shoot. Go on !

- Why don't you

light it up there, brother ?

- All right. Here goes nothin'.

l don't remember graduatin'.

And my first sexual experience--

l don't remember that either.

- But, man, l will never forget

the first time l smoked...

that sweet, sweet chiva.

- Feel anything ?

- Yeah, l feel my chest cavin' in.

- This stuff

didn't even work.

- Man !

Come on. Let's get some candy

and get out of here, B.

l've heard people say

they don't get high

the first time they smoke.

Not me. Oh, not us.

We were really, really high.

We was toe up !

- Do you guys feel different ?

- A little.

How 'bout you, Scarface ?

How you doin', Kenny ? Kenny ?

l haven't been so thirsty

in my entire life.

Do you guys hear that ?

Feels like Jerry Garcia's in my head.

Am l goin' crazy ?

We look at that

day as the day we met the fifth

member of our crew-- marijuana !

- Oh, Lord, we was hooked !

So, now we all live together

in New York.

l myself am a master

of the custodial arts,

or a janitor if you want

to be a dick about it.

Anyway, l work at this lab,

Frankensense and Burr Pharmaceutical.

- They do pharmaceutical testing

for the government...

and big corporations and--

And l am

the happiest custodian alive.

This job... sucks.


you my only friend.

Ah, it could be worse.

l could have Scarface's job.

- Heifer with cheese.

- You son of a b*tch,

l'm right behind you !

Turn around and ask me

for Heifer with cheese, yo !

Why you gotta make me feel inferior

'cause l'm on the grill, B ? Damn !

- Scarface is kind

of a hyper guy for a pothead.

- Sorry.

Kenny is probably doin'

the best out of all of us.

He's a kindergarten teacher

at some school downtown,

which l know might scare a lot

of parents, seeing as how he's

a weedhead and all.

But let me tell you, man,

that guy does wonders for those

children's self-esteem.

- Thank you.

- Oh, l love you so much, little one.


- All of you. All of you. lt's so good.

- Brian works

at a new and used record store.

- Hi.

- He gets to talk about music all day.

- l got a used Kenny Loggins album.

Perfect job for a stoner.

Lady, you want seven bucks

for a used Kenny Loggins record ?

- l'll give you five.

- Uh-uh. He autographed it himself.

All right,

l'll give you four.

Jan, stop it, man.


- As far as herb goes, you can

get it all over this town.

l mean, they might call it the city that

never sleeps, but l'll tell you this:

- lt takes a lot of f***in' weed naps.

- Free !

You can get the stuff at little

corner stores called bodegas.

Say it with me:

Yes, very good.

- These places always have

incredibly old products.

- Como esta, fellas ?

- Hey-Hey.

- But the weed ain't bad.

- Let me get four dime bags.

- Uh, l don't have no idea

what you're talking about.

Jose, you crazy, man. He's crazy.

Come on, man. Let me get them dimes.

See, the problem with bodegas

is they never remember you.


- You always have to do something

extreme to let 'em know you're cool.

Hey, fellas. Y'all know me.

Come on, now. Look at this.

Hey, black ass. Why you

didn't moon us earlier, eh ?

lt was a little degrading.

Rate this script:(4.00 / 1 vote)

Dave Chappelle

David Khari Webber Chappelle (; born August 24, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. After beginning his film career in 1993 as Ahchoo in Mel Brooks' Robin Hood: Men in Tights, he landed supporting roles in box office hits including The Nutty Professor, Con Air, You've Got Mail, Blue Streak and Undercover Brother. His first lead role was in the 1998 comedy film Half Baked, which he co-wrote with Neal Brennan. Chappelle also starred in the ABC TV series Buddies. His comedy focuses on racism, relationship problems, social problems, politics, current events, and pop culture. In 2003, Chappelle became more widely known for his sketch comedy television series, Chappelle's Show, also co-written with Brennan, which ran until his retirement from the show two years later. After leaving the show, Chappelle returned to performing stand-up comedy across the U.S.In 2016 he signed a $20 million-per-release comedy-special deal with Netflix, which has released four of his specials.By 2006, Chappelle was called the "comic genius of America" by Esquire and, in 2013, "the best" by a Billboard writer. In 2017, Rolling Stone ranked him No. 9 in their "50 Best Stand Up Comics of All Time." Chappelle was awarded an Emmy Award for his guest appearance on Saturday Night Live In 2017. He received a Grammy Award for his Netflix specials The Age of Spin & Deep in the Heart of Texas. more…

All Dave Chappelle scripts | Dave Chappelle Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Half Baked" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 7 Jul 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/half_baked_9486>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.