Hairspray Page #4

The Taj Mahal of joke shops.

Heh heh heh heh!

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Tammy, sharper.

Side step, front step.

Back, again.

Oh, my God, Penny, there's Link.

Link!

Penny, pinch me!

Ow!

You told me to.

I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.

Side step, front step.

I can't believe I'm really

here watching you audition.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and t-oh, Amber.

Look at this motley crew.

Oh! This town sure has gone downhill...

since I was crowned

Miss Baltimore Crabs.

Ugh.

# Oh, my God,

how times have changed #

# These girls must be blind

or completely deranged #

# But time seemed to halt #

# When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs #

Amber, that move is far too dirty.

Mother, wake up from

that dream of yours.

- This isn't 1930.

- Ha ha ha.

# You can laugh but life's a test #

# Don't do this, don't do that #

# Remember, Mother knows best #

# For the crown's in the vault #

# From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs #

# These steps are perfect ammunition #

# Let me show you how your mommy

dear took out the competition #

Girls, go get 'em.

Boys, let's rumba.

# Those poor runner-ups might

still hold some grudges #

# They padded their cups

but I screwed the judges #

# Those broads thought

they'd win if a plate #

# They would spin in their dance #

Aah!

# Not a chance

Boys, put me down #

Oh, good morning, ladies.

Let's see what you got.

# Twist, twist, twist, twist

mashed potato, mambo #

# Ready, begin #

# On my show you'll never find #

# A thrusting hip or bump and grind #

# What's that?

A dance for fleas and ticks? #

# Oh, you should-a seen my bag of tricks #

# Oh, I hit the stage batons ablaze #

# While belting Aida

and preparing souffls #

# But that triple somersault #

# Is how I clinched

Miss Baltimore Crabs #

Proceed.

# Are you scared we're on live? #

# No, I'm sure I can cope #

# Well, this show isn't broadcast in #

# Cinemascope #

# I never drank one chocolate malt #

# No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs #

# This one will never get a date #

# In those hand-me-down clothes #

# Ha! Kid, she'll never get a date

till Daddy buys her a new nose #

# I would say "Oy, gevalt" #

# If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs #

# Do you dance like you dress? #

# Amber, there's no need to be cruel #

# Would you swim

in an integrated pool? #

I sure would.

I'm all for integration.

It's the new frontier!

Not in Baltimore, it isn't.

And may I be frank?

# First impressions can be tough #

# And when I saw you, I knew it #

# If your size weren't enough #

# Your last answer just blew it #

Rate this script:4.4 / 8 votes