Hail the Conquering Hero Page #4

don't allow visitors where I am.

Well, she must've known the Colonel or

something. I'm in the wrong with him.

I can't tell you that, Mama.

That's military information.

No, I'm not in jail.

What would I be doing in jail?

I don't know why he said

I was coming home, Mama,

but he was probably

talking about somebody else.

He had several calls to make.

You know how it is.

Well, of course, I want to

come home, Mama. Why wouldn't I?

I'm just crazy to see you

and Libby and everybody,

but this is war, Mama.

Wait a minute.

Give me that phone.

You can go home tomorrow.

I figured it all out.

What are you talking about?

Like rolling off a log! Quiet!

Hello, Mrs. Truesmith?

This is Sergeant Heppelfinger.

You got nothing to worry

about. That's it. Right.

Look, it's bad enough to wear the

uniform without having to wear this...

Now, wait a minute. Without

having to wear this medal on it.

What are you talking about? I don't

even remember what I got it for.

You know what

he got that for?

No.

Lay off!

Some Japs was roasting a pig

across the stream, understand.

The breeze was blowing it all

right over in his kisser,

so he went over and got it.

Boy, that was some dish.

Just a hog.

I know, but...

You gotta wear something.

You can't come back from

the Solomons without nothing.

Not the son of

Sergeant Truesmith.

I can't help it, fellows.

I just don't like

the whole idea.

You gotta think

of your mother.

The regulations

distinctly say,

"You can wear your uniform home,

but not longer than 30 days. "

Suppose they paid you off

in South Africa.

And you went home on foot?

They can't tell you

how to go home.

You could go home

on a pogo stick.

You gotta think

of your mother.

The regulations

clearly state...

That only applies to Marines.

You ain't really a Marine anymore, and,

besides, the regulations is very elastic.

I was even a Colonel once

for a couple of days.

And a brighound for a

couple of months. Cheese it!

How are you, boys?

Fine, sir. Thank you, sir.

I think we'd better go back to

my room and talk this over...

Keep your hand down,

and nobody will be the wiser.

All aboard!

Come on, chuck his gear on.

No, no.

Will you get on that train?

No, I won't!

Come on, hoist him on!

No, no!

Come on, get him on!

Don't make me...

No. No.

Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful.

I know you meant it for the best.

I don't mind

the seven tickets or anything.

I'm honored to have you

go home with me.

It's just the uniform.

It makes me nervous.

Well, you can't

go home without it.

Well, I shouldn't

go home with it, and this...

You shouldn't have

lied to your mother.

I think it was

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