Guard the House!

Synopsis: A little dog is left alone at home. During the night it experiences scary and heroic events. There is some surprise for the dog's owners on the next morning.
Director(s): Polina Stoyanova
5 min

# F***in' posers

# Yeah

# F***in' posers

# It's almost over now,

it's almost over now

# For you f***in' posers

# Yeah

# It's almost over now,

it's almost over now

# You think the way you live's OK

# You think posing will save the day

# You think we don't see

that you're running

# Better call your boys

cos I'm coming... #

I don't think your mammy'd be

too pleased about that now.

What a beautiful f***in' day.

- Who the f*** are you?

- Aidan McBride, Sergeant.

- Don't know you.

- Just transferred from Dublin.

Big city boy, huh?

And me just a lowly country nobody.

- Lonely?

- Huh?

- Lonely country nobody?

- Lowly. Lowly.

Lowly. I thought you said "lonely".

Not too sharp on the uptake, are you?

You'll go far in this outfit.

F***in' latte's my drink.

They told me cappuccino.

What the f*** is he doing here?

- He's the scene-of-crime photographer.

- Are you soft in the head or what?

Get out, Mick,

or I'll tell your mammy about you.

I got what I need anyways, Gerry.

It's all good clean fun, huh?

I'm worried about that young lad.

He's an interest in the photographic arts

I can only describe as unhealthy.

He looks like Brendan Foley.

I knew his father.

He ran off with me second cousin.

When I say "ran off", he was

in a wheelchair, the old fella.

He was a what, er,

what do you call it?

- Er, paraplegic?

- Spastic, yeah.

Wheeled off.

Brendan Foley. I'll get onto this.

I said he looked like Brendan Foley.

I didn't say he was Brendan Foley.

Should you, er,

should you be removing those?

From the Bible, looks like. I knew

there'd be a f***in' religious angle.

Aye, he was a good-looking lad.

Lovely lips.

The significance of the pot plant

has me somewhat perplexed.

- Maybe its genus is a clue.

- Oh, genus, huh? Fancy.

- What the hell are you doing?

- I have the gift. Nobody tell you?

Clairvoyant, like.

Never interfered with a corpse before,

no? It's great gas.

- I don't think you should...

- I'm only messing.

- Lighten up!

- I don't think it was appropriate.

F*** off to America with your

"appropriate" f***in' Barack Obama.

I was just saying.

- Is there any money in the house?

- What? No.

I mean, I haven't checked.

You haven't checked

if there's any money?

What sort of a f***ing guard are you,


Five and a half...

Five and a half.

Now what the f*** would that mean?

There's a film called "8".


There's another film called "Se 7 en".

Are you going to list

a load of film titles with numbers?

I can do that.

That's your idea of police work?

Maybe this is the killer's

five and a half... halfth victim.

Go on.

Maybe he's killed four people before

now, and he's maimed another lad.

Cut off his legs maybe,

which'd be the half.

So this'd be victim number

five and a half.

Interesting theory.

So what you're saying is, we may well

have a serial killer on our hands.

It's a distinct possibility.

Well, that'd be a first for Galway.


Sergeant Gerry Boyle. Cop shop.

Hi, little piggy. I've got information

about that murder last night.

What murder?

How many f***ing murders

have you had in the last 24 hours?

That's for us to know

and you to find out.

That doesn't make any sense.

Have you any information or are you

sitting there playing with yourself?

What's your name? Boyle?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle,

the last of the independents.

The murder in Lettermore.

The one with... occult overtones.

Occult overtones, yeah.

Do you know what I mean

when I say "occult"?

Aleister Crowley.

Anton La Vey.

- Simon Magus, that kind of thing.

- Well done.

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    "Guard the House!" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 18 May 2021. <!_9384>.

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