Synopsis: Uncle Joe is ageing. He's also a millionaire. That's why his family is trying so very hard to get into his good books. They all want a piece of his empire. Unfortunately Uncle Joe isn't as stupid as his family thinks he is. He can see that his family is only nice to him because they want his money. Along comes Daniel McTeague, a struggling bowler, imported from another city by his family, to put an end to this ridiculous situation. The fight won't be easy, though, because the poor family has a little bit of competition - A beautiful nurse who takes care of Uncle Joe (and no doubt would love to take care of his bank account). Who gets all the money?
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Jonathan Lynn
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
Rotten Tomatoes:
113 min

# Now once upon a time

They sang the vo-dee-o-doe

# But that was long ago

# Then everybody started in

To boop-boop-a-doop

# They got tired of that, you know

# But the tune for you and me...

Very unnecessary.

# ls that swinging symphony

# They called it inka dinka dee

A dinka doo a dinka dee

# Oh, what a tune for croonin'

# lnka dinka dee a dinka doo a dinka dee

# lt's got the whole world swoonin'

# Eskimo belles up in...

Let me hear those trumpets.

That's not a trumpet.

That's not a trumpet.

That's a trumpet.

# lnka dinka dee a dinka doo a dinka dee

# Simply means a dinka dee a dinka doo

# lnka dinka a dee a dinka doo

Let me hear my symphony!

What a band!

# lnka dinka dinks

A dinka dinks a dinka dee

# lt's got the whole world swoonin'...

I'm walkin' down the street...

I'm walkin' down the street...

[high-pitched elongated notes]

Tell me, Mr James,

now, just what did you accomplish?

# lnka dinka dee a dinka doo a dinka dee...

# Eee...

That note was given to me by Bing

Crosby. And was he glad to get rid of it!

# lnka dinka dee a dinka doo #

Boys. Time to get up. Come on.

It's Saturday. We've got to get going.

- Where are we going?

- We're going to see my uncle Joe.

What? I don't want to go to Uncle Joe's!

- Come here!

- I don't wanna go!

No, I want to watch my cartoons!

It's Saturday!

You can't make us! We don't wanna go!

- Stop it!

- No, we don't wanna go!

We'll be good! We'll eat anything.

We'll clean our room. But no Uncle Joe.

Come on.We don't have time for this.

- Leave us alone!

- You wouldn't hurt Daddy.

- It's still pretty early, Carl.

- I want to get there first.

If we dont get there first, whoever does gets

there first talks about you before u get there

until there's no point you even being there.

Which reminds me. Try to bring up

my cousin Tina's drinking.

- She's your cousin.

- You're better at it, more subtle.


Carl and Nora McTeague.

Welcome to hell.

- Are we first, Douglas?

- Indeed, sir.

No one else had the presence of mind

to be three hours early.

- May I take your bird, madam?

- No, thank you Douglas, we'll give it to him ourselves.

- Would u care to wait in the drawing-room?

- Thank u.

- There was another car out front. Who...?

- Dr Hemmel is with your uncle.

Ooh, anything wrong?

Your uncle has some congestion and

he was coughing most of the night, sir.

What kind of cough? Was it dry or liquidy?

I mean...

It was just a cough, sir.

Next time I'll save you a sample.

[plopping sound]

He'll really like the bird I think.

- It cost us $400, Carl.

- You have to spend money to make money.

- Oh, my heavens!

- Yolanda, what's wrong?

He's dead!

One minute the doctor was examining him

and he say he was fine, and then...

- He's dead.

- Come quickly!


- [boy] Are we rich?

- [Carl] Maybe.

Oh, my God.

[Yolanda wails]

Yolanda, go clean something.

Stop that!

It's Dr Hemmel!

Of course it's Dr Hemmel.

He used to brag how he got up at 5am

to play racket-ball at 71 years old.

You don't hear him bragging now.

[Uncle Joe chuckles]

Truth be known, we are so relieved.

When Yolanda came in screaming,

we thought...

Well, all I can say is we're glad

you're still with us, Uncle Joe.

- You look thrilled.

- We are. Especially the boys. Joe and Joe.

Look, another little Joe in the oven.

Here's a doctor's note to prove it.

- You look nice, Nora.

- Thanks, Uncle Joe. So do you.

- Why don't we just cut the cable?

- It's too thick. Come on.

Did you hear that? He said you look nice.

- I think that's a good sign. Dont u?

- I don't know what to think.

Carl, I want a girl, honey.

All right. I swear, after he's dead

we'll have a girl, I promise. OK?

Uncle Joe?

Wanted to tell you about something.

You should see how Big Joe...our Big Joe,

what a head for business he has

at nine years old.

He organised a lawn-mowing company

with fourth-graders.

He's preparing himself in case he has to

take over a big business some day.

So you're interested in money, huh?

Uh-huh. Made ten bucks just coming here.

I get another 20 if I kiss you.

I'm thinking about it.

All right.

That's it.

- What happened? Is he...?

- Coronary. He died instantly.

- Really? You mean just...?

- And he left everything to you, sis.

- Really?

- It wasn't him. It was Dr Hemmel.

You son of a b*tch.

- You wish it was the old man, don't you?

- I did. Now I wish it was you.

- How are your girls, Ed?

- Yes, we have girls. You know why?

We wouldn't put Ed's sperm in a centrifuge

to separate the X's from the Y's!

Excuse me brother, no matter how much

Uncle Joe is worth,

there is a line below which we will not go.

Jolene, Joette? Let's go in, girls.

- We saw an ambulance!

- Dr Hemmel died.


[makes flatulence sounds]

Dennis, why don't you go and sit

at the kids' table?

Make me.

- Are you retarded?

- Not according to the tests.

You just sit here and shut up.

[starts again]

- Yolanda!

- It's all over the place!

He has a cold, Uncle Joe.

He didn't want you to get sick.

Ed, your girls knocked over some milk.

Well, Uncle Joe, I guess

you'll have to find a new doctor.

What for? Doctors, medicine.

Who needs 'em, huh uncle Joe!

You know who you should talk to

about this? Glen.

This man keeps himself in shape. It's discipline.

I exercise for a couple of weeks, that's it.

I cant stick with it, I admire you Glen.

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Lowell Ganz

Lowell Ganz is an American screenwriter, television writer, and television producer. He is the long-time writing partner of Babaloo Mandel. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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