Goodbye, Columbus Page #3

You planning to get married

to somebody in particular? Seriously?

Well, I was engaged for a year,

until last week.

What happened?

- Hi, Bren.

- What are you so happy about?

The Red Sox took two.

We having Carl Yastrzemski

for dinner?

Of course.

Every time the Red Sox win, we have

to set an extra place for Yastrzemski.

- Hey, you want to race?

- No.

Why don't you go race alone.

- Do you want to go with him?

- No, thanks.

This is Neil Klugman,

my brother, Ronald Patimkin.

- How are you?

- Hi.

- You better watch that.

- Yeah.

- Watch that.

- How are you?

- You wanna race?

- Not right now, thanks.

Race him. I have to call home

and say you're coming for supper.

Am I? I've gotta call my aunt.

You didn't say anything about...

- I mean, my clothes.

- We dine au naturel.

- What?

- Swim, my dear.

Julie.

Julie, elbows off the table.

And eat. Eat your dinner. Millions of

children are starving all over the world.

- When's Harriette calling?

- Five o'clock.

- It was 5:
00.

- Their time.

Why is it earlier in Columbus?

Suppose you took the plane

back and forth all day.

You'd never get older.

- Oh, that's right, sweetie.

- Why do you give her misinformation?

- Is that why she goes to school?

- I haven't the slightest idea.

You know, you're a big

college girl now.

Carlotta?

Carlotta, Ronald wants more!

- More what?

- More chicken.

- Me too, Carlotta.

- They'll have to roll you on the links.

What are you talking about?

Look, I lost a couple pounds.

- Dad, look at this.

- Ronald.

- Would you care to bare your middle?

- No, thank you.

Well, I'm glad that somebody

is aware of how to behave at the table.

- Thank you.

- Chicken?

- Oh, no, thank you.

- He eats like a bird.

Come on, Carlotta.

I'm playing ball tonight.

- Don't forget, tape your wrists.

- All right, but I got no mobility...

Just wear an Ace bandage

and put heat on.

Not an important game.

I want you good for the championship.

Last year you didn't listen,

same thing happened.

- Where do you live, Bill?

- Neil.

- Didn't I say, "Neil"?

- You said, "Where do you live, Bill?"

I hate tape. How the hell

can I play in tape?

- Don't curse!

- That's right.

- See?

- See what?

- Oh, I was just talking to Bill.

- Neil.

Just eat already.

- A little less talking, young lady.

- I didn't say anything.

- She was talking to me, sweetie.

- What is this "she" business?

That's how you call

your mother today? She? She?

If I called my mother "she",

my father would give me a clop.

- I got chicken caught in my braces.

- Eat your dinner. We'll clean it later.

Do you go to college?

What?

College.

I went into college

before I went into the Army.

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