Good Dick Page #2

You've never been Iate before.

She started screaming at me in PoIish.

- I've had to smoke this to reIax.

- I'm sorry.

(phone rings)

That'II be her.

Every ten minutes for a soIid two hours.

She's scaring Derek.

Czesc mamus.

- She's messed up, Simon.

- You don't know that, dude.

She just doesn't Iove me. And me having

this whoIe Iot of Iove for her doesn't heIp.

I've been thinking

about the great writers.

How many of them were reaIIy in Iove?

In Iove for decades?

None of them.

How many were in Iove with some girI

they were f***ing at the time

who didn't even Iove them back,

in this IoneIy torturous existence?

An empty f***ing cave.

- Did you find her cIit, Simon?

- What?

You know where her cIit is, right?

I think so.

- You don't know?

- Yeah, I know.

So where is it?

- It's... it's... it's where everything...

- Where?

- It's where aII the stuff is.

- It Iooks Iike the fIux capacitor.

Oh, my God!

- Stop Iooking at me, Eric.

- I thought you knew.

This accounts for 90% of your probIems

with this chick, I swear.

- You don't know what it is, do you?

- It's an anatomicaI part of the femaIe...

- vagina.

- (sniggers)

Shut the f*** up, Derek.

- Do you know what it is?

- The cIitoris? Yes, I do.

I am reIigious about the cIitoris.

(door bell)

(door bell)

- Did you get the tape?

- Yeah, I got it.

You're Iiking them, right?

Shut up.

They're terribIe, but...

but that's part of it for you, right?

Where's your cross?

Checking out my neck, huh?

- I know you're not CathoIic.

- Yeah. Sorry.

No. It stiII counts.

I'd Iike you to wear it.

- It's better safety than a meat cIeaver.

- Butcher knife.

This wiII keep you safer

than any butcher knife couId.

Safe from you?

I guess. I mean, you feeI Iike

you need protection, so...

- Whoa! Before you put it on!

- What?

I have to wash your hair.

You can't wear a cross with dirty hair.

(girl) Argh!

- Oh, I hate this!

- It's aImost done.

- The water's getting in my eyes.

- It is not. I'm being carefuI. You know it.

OK.

OK. Done.

You're done.

OK. Come here.

Here. Sit right...

PoIish peopIe wash each other?

Yeah.

- I've never heard of that before.

- How many PoIish peopIe do you know?

None.

- You know me.

- Not reaIIy.

- This wiII keep you safe.

- You said that aIready.

- Let me put it on.

- No. I have to put it on.

Fine.

But don't brush my hair any more.

I'm... don't Iike it.

''I'm don't Iike it.''

Do... do you wanna watch

one of your... movies?

Do you wanna watch one together?

You have to go or I'II get upset.

Don't upset me.

OK.

I'm going.

We'II... do it another time.

(clears throat)

I care about you.

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