Girl Walks Into a Bar Page #3

to introduce the young woman

with what the consensus of the day,

would surely deem an

extraordinary behind

and a practiced strut.

That would be me, stage name... Trix.

Catholic name... Teresa Augustina,

preferred name... Teri.

One look at me, all supple

youth and feline affectation,

you'd correctly assess I

neither stand out nor blend in.

Appearing by all conventional notions

to simply be one more apathetic

skin-trade participant.

The type of girl with

little or no connection

to the bra burning

activists of yesteryear.

Lucky you, says dare number one.

Dare number two occupies

a more private place.

Although here the term

private is relative,

like all my lucid

revelations are relative,

like my loathing for

gentlemen such as this one,

is relative.

What do you say I take you

far away from all these creeps

and I show you a dozen tricks

I can do with my tongue?

Loathsome because, well,

it's just hideous how he

assumes everybody else is a creep

but not him and his

horrifying invitation.

And relative because I'm pretty

sure he's my second cousin.

However, none of this

occupies my thoughts

as I apply my war

paint and tuck and cover

all my fetishized bits,

those parts deemed the most exciting

in the fashion of the moment.

No, what occupies my

thoughts is the reminder

that I'm not a woman of action.

I'm a woman of will,

but I can't believe in my

will unless I act from it.

Onstage is where I truly

come alive, where I shine,

where I kick serious ass.

You're coming for drinks after, right?

I can't tonight, sorry.

This is the highlight of my day.

The rest is paste.

When their eyes and

crotches are hot-wired

to my every tiniest single move,

that's when I stop time

and I become myself, the real me.

Theresa the Astonishing!

But you already knew that.

Cunning feats of mentalism

and supernatural amusements

performed with the drop of a hat.

Theresa the Astonishing can tell

with the blink of an eye

that Ricky here is obsessed

with his neighbor Colette

and that her complete dismissal

of his pathetic advances

has caused him to purchase

some gamma hydroxyl butyrate

to slip into her drink later tonight.

That Jimmy is secretly, deeply in love

with his best friend Roger,

even though he's assisted

his sociopathic friend

more than once in bashing what

Roger here so sweetly calls,

"Dumb-ass homo pussies."

That Emir Horsain beats his mistress.

That Regis Blackburn Senior

raped his wife repeatedly.

That Marko Castillano is

deep-down a sensitive man

who could potentially

learn to respect women,

but then he does that and you realize

he's got a Way to go

Maybe he doesn't need

all this trust fund cash.

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