Get Smart

Synopsis: American Maxwell Smart works for a Government spy agency in an administrative capacity. When the agency's head office is attacked, the Chief decides to assign Maxwell as a spy and partners him with sexy Agent 99, much to her chagrin. The duo nevertheless set off to combat their attackers by first parachuting off an airplane and landing in Russian territory - followed closely by an over seven feet tall, 400 pound goon, known simply as Dalip. The duo, handicapped by Maxwell's antics, will eventually have their identities compromised, and may be chalked up as casualties, while back in America their attackers have already planted a bomb that is set-up to explode in a concert.
Director(s): Peter Segal
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  2 wins & 6 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
110 min








And this display is all that's left

of CONTROL, a secret spy agency...

...which once battled against

the criminal syndicate known as KAOS.

CONTROL was disbanded

at the end of the Cold War.

Okay, up next, an exhibit...


Judy, the elevator is still doing that thing

where it drops really fast.

Are you sure Maintenance fixed that?

Let me check.

Yep, they fixed it.

See you later.

- Hey, Max.

Agent 50.


how'd a fly even get in here?

- Hey, Max.

- Max!

Hey, Larabee, 91.

Yeah, big day. Could be

your last chance to push a pencil.

Field-agent test results are due.

Oh. Is that today?

I wasn't really thinking about it.

Can you imagine Max as an agent?

Little suit, little shoes.


Uh-oh. Two-nerd pile-up.


- Move!

- Ow!

- Move!

- Ow!

- Move!

- Ow!

Pretty boys. Nothing but empty suits.

- Good morning, Bruce, Lloyd.

- Why would you wanna be an agent?

I mean, lab guys like us, analysts like you,

we're the real soldiers.

We're the true guardians

of freedom and democracy.

And I hear we're getting

a new cappuccino machine.

No, that's only for agents.



Hey, Agent 23 is back.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

- Welcome back, 23.

- Maxie.

So how was the assassination?

Maxie, you know assassinations

are specifically prohibited... executive order 12333.


- I could if I wanted to.

- Yes, you... Oh. Oh!

Did you see that face he made? Scary.

Six months' work. 18 million dollars.

Fricking agents, man.


Come on, let's see it.

A lot of chatter in this region

involves nuclear material.

You may remember

from page 627 of my last report...

...that there has been an uptick

in KAOS interest in nukes.


To wit, I offer

the following conversation.

What are you doing? Are you texting?

Yeah, letting my fiancee know

we won't be able to get married in June.

I'll still be in this meeting.

Can I see that a second?

- Yeah.

That's great.


That's weird. You lost your signal.

Sorry to interrupt, Maxie, go ahead.

Next time use your own damn phone.

Good morning, men. No, offense, Karen.

Snappy tie.

Sorry I'm late, but I just came out

of a budget meeting...

...with our incredibly abrasive, dismissive

and sarcastic vice president.


It's no problem.

I have obtained a snippet,

at great risk to a busboy in Balahd.



"Aftab, how is your coffee?"

"Good, Dalip, it's decaf.

How is yours?"

"It is good also.

How is your muffin?"

Powerful stuff.

So "muffin," then, is a code word?

No, it is comfort food...

...and quite frankly, more

fattening than most people realize.

Which begs the question...

...why would two

hardened KAOS agents...

...risk the carbs?

Because they are under

a great deal of stress.

- Hence the decaf.

- For Aftab, yes.

Dalip takes his full-strength. Why?

Because he has been sleeping

on the couch for three days...

...because he called his sister-in-law

a "leathery hag."

People often say things

in anger they don't really mean.

People often say things

in anger they don't really mean.

Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore.

Just words, really, that shouldn't

be used against you in a custody hearing.

Let it go, man. Those kids

don't even look like you.

Can we put a pin in this, please...

...and go back to Max's

extraordinarily detailed report?

Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is...

...that until we understand

that our enemies are also human...

...we will never defeat them.

Yes, they are bad guys, but that

is what they do, not who they are.

Let's continue listening...

...and bear in mind that the next 100 pages

can get a little bit dry.


Come on...

Easy, Durat! This stuff is radioactive.

One slip-up, and it's "ka-fricking-boom!"



This is KAOS.

We don't "ka-fricking-boom" here.

Sorry, Mr. Siegfried.

Get it in the truck,

and let's burn this place to the ground.

But if we have what we want,

why burn the building?

Any more questions?

Missed me!


All right! All right! I'm out!

He was lying, Max. It was a good shot.


I am so sick of training.

I wanna get out in the field.

Give it up, 23! It's just you

and Maxi-pad against the six of us.

Oh, gee, Maxi-pad,

I've never heard that one before!

I never have actually heard that before.


It's a knife wound from the last mission.

My blood gets pumping, it seeps.


Hey, Maxine!

Come over here

and we'll play a game I like to call:

"Let's Go to the Dog Show."

I put a collar on you

and make you my bi...!



I think I really got inside his head.

I am not proud of what I just did.

I am not proud of what I just did.

Game over, Chatty Cathy.


Game over when I say it's over.

- Okay.

- Wet willy.

Okay. Who wants lunch?

Well, excellent work, 23,

but I could've handled it my...



- Max, the Chief wants to see you.

- It is nice to see you too!

You wanted to see me, Chief?

Yes, Max, yes, please, sit down.

Your field-agent test results

just came in and...

- Something wrong with your ear?

- Absolutely not.

Would you like me

to wait while you answer that?

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes

Tom J. Astle

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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