Get Hard

Synopsis: Kevin Hart plays the role of Darnell--a family man desperate to get enough money to buy a house in a better area to benefit his family's well-being. He is hired by James (Will Ferrell), a wimpy stock trader who is about to go to prison for 10 years, to prepare him for life behind bars. The catch is that James thinks Darnell is an ex-con--not because Darnell told him that, but because James just assumed.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Etan Cohen
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
100 min

Buenos dias, Cecelio!

Sir, I'm just saying, your ad says,

"Bad credit, no problem."

So can you define "no problem"?

Because me not getting this loan

is a problem.

I'm sorry. That's why I'm asking you to...

- Sorry, Daddy.

- That's okay, but that's just nasty.

No, no, no. Not you, sir.

Listen to this. What if I have everything

I need except the $30,000?

Keep calm? Sir. Sir. Can you...?

Ma'am. Okay. I couldn't tell.

Aren't you supposed to be a

predatory lender? Then prey on me!

Okay? You're a lion, I'm a gazelle.

Okay, fine. Fine. Do you know what?

I'm putting my daughter on the phone.

Explain to her why she has to go to

school in a gangbanger school district...

...where they're murdering kids. Murdering!

Here, you tell her.

Hey, baby, do what I showed you.

- Why do you want me to get murdered?

- No.


Why do you want me to get murdered?"

They hung up.

Because you're

not doing what I told you to.

- You are sick.

- I'm not sick. It's called desperate.

Baby, all we have to do is keep saving.

I just need some love.

Can you just hug me?

Just kiss me?

- Any better?

- Awkward.

Come on.

Get your juice, and your book bag.

I told you to hit the bull's-eye.

How hard is it to cry, Makayla?

"Murder. Murder."

- Watch out.

- Move, old man.

Is that weed?

Hey, I want you to be safe, okay?

Listen to me. Listen to me.

You're not gonna be at this school forever.

Daddy's working on it. I love you.

- I love you too.

- All right.

Don't worry. - Kind of hard

not to worry. You're my daughter.

- Come on, dear.

- Hey, watch it!

Matter of time. Matter of time.

- I kick, James!

- Yeah.


- Hey, babe!

- Watch this, honey.

Watch this.

Whoo! Look at that kick!

Good job, James!


Good job, guys.

We're all working hard today. Mm.


You looked good out there,

my big strong fianc.

Jaoa says I need to focus on

bringing my power into the world.


Maybe I can help.


...are a great man, James King.

Do me on the new house.

Did it get bigger?

Yeah, it did, baby.

It's the dick of a king. It's your scepter.

- No.

- Yeah.

No, I mean the house.

The king needs his castle, James.

Ten thousand square feet.

Seven bedrooms.

Two kitchens.

Infinity pool.

Is that a guesthouse for the guesthouse?

Well, in case our guests have guests.

And you have so many friends, baby.

Don't you, Mr. Popular?

So powerful.

So you don't think it's too much house,

do you?

James, seriously?

I mean, you wanna raise a family

in this house?

- Well, yes.

- In this...


No, this house is a shithole!


...there's winners

and there's losers, James.

It's what drives this country.

All right? People look at what you have...

...and they want it.

They want your huge house.

And they want...

...your hot, hot...

- ...wife.

- So hot.

- Who's the king?

- I am.

Are you the king?

How much money you gonna make today?

- Enough to choke a baby.

- That's right.

- Yeah, are you a winner?

- Yes, I'm a winner.

- Whose tits are these?

- They're my tits.

These are the king's tits!

- The king's titties.

- That's right.

- Is it a king's dick?

- It's slightly above average.

Yeah? You gotta stake your claim, James.

Yes! You gotta stake it!

Stake my claim.

Oh, come on, baby.

Do me like a billionaire!

You. You, right there, with the hat.

I don't care

Hey, boss man, did you get that text?

I sent you a text yesterday.


The boss is here.

Maybe it's time that we act

like we got work to do.

We got 40 cars and we got eight hours

of the air down here!

James King, Wealthrop Funds.

Transfer 100 million

from my client accounts.

I'd like to put a buy order

on Bradway Chemical, up to 7.50.

I've got a good feeling about clean coal.

Clean the roofs, Mike.

You don't think people can see those?

I hired you to do one thing.

That's be tall.

All right, great job.

Hey there, Jamesy,

that was quite a ride, man.

That was like third quarter 2012.

- It's a real pleasure to watch you work, sir.

- Thanks, Leo.


How about that, you knew my name!

I love it.

So I shorted gas and went long on coal.

It wasn't quite the return

I was hoping for, but...


You made my company $28 million today.

Now, to celebrate, I would like to give you

an early wedding present...

- ...partner.

- Ah.

Sir, thank you.

Gayle, a minute.

James, this is the moment

when you cross that threshold...

...and join America's most elite.

Anything you desire,

anything you want is yours.

I'm ready for it.

You know, I bought an island

in Cape Verde.

An entire island.

You can too.

I would love to.

We could be island neighbors.

You could swim over

and borrow a cup of gold.


You know, and to think

it all started with this.

I still have that computer.

It reminds me

of my humble beginnings.

How I built this company

with my own two hands.

Just me, that computer...

...and an $8 million loan from my father.

You really did it all on your own.

Very inspiring, sir.

Now, listen, I want you to drop

this "sir" nonsense.

You are marrying my daughter,

for Pete's sake.

I want you to call me "Dad."

Really? Dad?

- Mm-hm.

- Heh.

That feels very good.

My real father never had time for me.

He shipped me off to boarding school in

London with the Murdochs and the bin Ladens.

Of course, that was before...

I mean, we knew they cheated in soccer,

but, had no idea... know...

But if I could choose a dad...

Hey, you know something,

you're family now, kid.

Okay, then.

Oh, boy.


- Mr. King.

- Aah! Aah!

Take whatever you want!

- Please!

- It's the hood.

- Hey! It's Darnell.

- Help!

- Help! Help!

- Stop! Mr. King. No!

- Oh, dear Lord. Someone help me!

- Stop it! You're being ridiculous!

Stop! Look at me.

It's me.

I got your keys!


Yes! I see you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

- Here you go.

- Oh.

- I'm sorry.

- Thank you.

And, uh, just so you know, I would have

done the same thing if you were white.

That's good to know.

Hey, Mr. King.


While I got you out here, I just wanna...

I just wanna talk to you for a second.

I've been washing your

car for two years now...

...and I can tell you're the type of man

who likes the best of everything.

So as owner and CEO

of Hollywood Luxury Bubbles...

...I wanted to offer you

an exclusive platinum lifetime wash card...

...for $30,000.

Now, before you say anything...

...think about the type of money

that you'll save with this investment.

Well, actually the time value

of money is such that...

...if I were to put that same amount

in my own fund... 23 years' time,

I'd have in excess of $3 million.

Wow. Yeah.

With that rate of return, I could buy

a new car every time it gets dirty.

- Isn't that impressive?

- Amazing, Mr. King.

That's the magic of compounded interest.

You see, I didn't get to where I am today

by asking for handouts.

But by hard work.

And today, that hard work paid off...

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Jay Martel

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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