
Fun Size
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Everyone loves Halloween,
especially in Cleveland.
When you're known as
"The Mistake By The Lake,"
the chance to pretend you're somebody
else for a night sounds pretty good.
My dad grew up here, too.
His theory was, "No matter
what happens in high school",
"college is where you figure
out who you really are."
Not just some pretend-for-a-night
version of yourself, but the real deal.
He went to NYU after he graduated,
which is where I'm planning on going,
provided I can survive
the insanity that is my family.
I know.
Everyone thinks their family's crazy.
But trust me...
- ...you don't have...
- Albert!
Him.
Seriously?
Albert!
Where are my b*obs?
that is twice this week.
Hon, he wants to be close to you.
Well, that makes one of us.
Have you signed my application yet?
Application for what?
Afghan citizenship. Hello? College loans.
Right. No.
Again with that jacket.
Why couldn't you have gotten attached
to something of your dad's
from this decade?
Mom. Application. Focus.
We need to talk about this, Wren.
I understand that you want to go to NYU,
but Ohio State
is just much less expensive.
I know it's a lot of money
and I promise not to major in English
so I can help pay it off.
When my dad died,
my mom kind of lost it.
She started dyeing her hair blonde,
shopping at Forever 21,
and going out with
Joy.
M'lady.
M'dawg. Yeah.
Apparently, dating a 26-year-old
is one of the seven stages of grief.
Come on, Albert! Let's go!
So, which do you think,
sexy kitty or sexy mouse?
Can't you be a kitty without being sexy?
Um, no.
Hello? Being sexy is what's gonna get us
into Aaron Riley's party tonight.
Aaron Riley's party.
We're not that cool.
It's really sad
that you're a pessimist.
Realist.
I read a statistic that
a good Halloween costume
can increase your chance
of popularity by 32%. So,
have you thought about
what you're going as yet?
I was thinking
maybe Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
We learned about her in Government.
Feminist icon? Supreme Court justice?
Aaron Riley is a musician.
He is not a law-abiding citizen.
He's not gonna know who that is.
What if I did a rap explaining who I am?
Stop. You're getting
your nerd juice all over me.
- Wren. Hey!
- Speaking of nerds. God.
- Hey, Roosevelt.
- Morning, ladies.
Happy Halloween. Right?
Albert, what's shaking, buddy?
Still not talking?
Thanks. Hey, this monster's
got some pretty big eyeballs.
That looks like your sweater.
My b*obs. I'll take that.
So, what are you going as
for Halloween?
E.O. Wilson.
The father of sociobiology?
Exactly.
You two are going to costume jail for life.
Congratulations. You found someone
with a more obscure costume
than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Wait. You think it's obscure?
Hey.
Maybe you could do
an explaining rap, too.
I'm E.O. Wilson and I'm a scientist
I study ants and stuff if you get the gist
I'm about as cool as a guy can get.
Think Jason Bourne with a butterfly net.
- Yeah!
- Right?
- That was good.
- It's easy.
You could even do a stick bug dance
- Or you couldn't do that.
- Like one of these.
My God. What are you doing?
Don't... Don't do that.
- What? Don't do what?
- That.
Maybe you'll like
praying mantis better. Ready?
Whoo!
- Can you please stop it?
- You don't like that?
Wren, I said please.
The turtle is one
of my personal favorites.
Whoo!
Wren, please cut it out.
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"Fun Size" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 1 Jul 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/fun_size_8686>.
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