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Everyone loves Halloween,

especially in Cleveland.

When you're known as

"The Mistake By The Lake,"

the chance to pretend you're somebody

else for a night sounds pretty good.

My dad grew up here, too.

His theory was, "No matter

what happens in high school",

"college is where you figure

out who you really are."

Not just some pretend-for-a-night

version of yourself, but the real deal.

He went to NYU after he graduated,

which is where I'm planning on going,

provided I can survive

the insanity that is my family.

I know.

Everyone thinks their family's crazy.

But trust me...

- ...you don't have...

- Albert!

Him.

Seriously?

Albert!

Where are my b*obs?

Mom, Albert struck again,

that is twice this week.

Hon, he wants to be close to you.

Well, that makes one of us.

Have you signed my application yet?

Application for what?

Afghan citizenship. Hello? College loans.

Right. No.

Again with that jacket.

Why couldn't you have gotten attached

to something of your dad's

from this decade?

Mom. Application. Focus.

We need to talk about this, Wren.

I understand that you want to go to NYU,

but Ohio State

is just much less expensive.

I know it's a lot of money

and I promise not to major in English

so I can help pay it off.

When my dad died,

my mom kind of lost it.

She started dyeing her hair blonde,

shopping at Forever 21,

and going out with

a person named Keevin.

Joy.

M'lady.

M'dawg. Yeah.

Apparently, dating a 26-year-old

is one of the seven stages of grief.

Come on, Albert! Let's go!

So, which do you think,

sexy kitty or sexy mouse?

Can't you be a kitty without being sexy?

Um, no.

Hello? Being sexy is what's gonna get us

into Aaron Riley's party tonight.

We're never getting into

Aaron Riley's party.

We're not that cool.

It's really sad

that you're a pessimist.

Realist.

I read a statistic that

a good Halloween costume

can increase your chance

of popularity by 32%. So,

have you thought about

what you're going as yet?

I was thinking

maybe Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

We learned about her in Government.

Feminist icon? Supreme Court justice?

Aaron Riley is a musician.

He is not a law-abiding citizen.

He's not gonna know who that is.

What if I did a rap explaining who I am?

Stop. You're getting

your nerd juice all over me.

- Wren. Hey!

- Speaking of nerds. God.

- Hey, Roosevelt.

- Morning, ladies.

Happy Halloween. Right?

Albert, what's shaking, buddy?

Still not talking?

Nope. Going on almost a year.

Thanks. Hey, this monster's

got some pretty big eyeballs.

That looks like your sweater.

My b*obs. I'll take that.

So, what are you going as

for Halloween?

E.O. Wilson.

The father of sociobiology?

Exactly.

You two are going to costume jail for life.

Congratulations. You found someone

with a more obscure costume

than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Wait. You think it's obscure?

Hey.

Maybe you could do

an explaining rap, too.

I'm E.O. Wilson and I'm a scientist

I study ants and stuff if you get the gist

I'm about as cool as a guy can get.

Think Jason Bourne with a butterfly net.

- Yeah!

- Right?

- That was good.

- It's easy.

You could even do a stick bug dance

to really bring it home.

- Or you couldn't do that.

- Like one of these.

My God. What are you doing?

Don't... Don't do that.

- What? Don't do what?

- That.

Maybe you'll like

praying mantis better. Ready?

Whoo!

- Can you please stop it?

- You don't like that?

Wren, I said please.

The turtle is one

of my personal favorites.

Whoo!

Wren, please cut it out.

I'm gonna throw up.

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