Friends with Kids

Synopsis: Julie and Jason have been best friends for years with no romantic interest in each other. He sleeps with someone new every few days, and she's looking for Mr. Right. Now in their thirties, they notice that their friends seem to lose all their good qualities when they have children - child rearing and the spark of Eros don't seem to co-exist. So, they decide to have a child together, share in child rearing, but pursue their own romantic lives. Things go well until he meets Mary Jane and she meets Kurt. Both seem like perfect mates. What could go wrong?
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Jennifer Westfeldt
Production: Roadside Attractions
  2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
107 min

Hey, doll.

Death by shark or alligator?


I don't swim in the ocean.

Alligators are in lakes or swamps

and marshes.

But sharks are only in the ocean.

You can't change the rules, Jase.

You gotta pick.

The rules presume

that both deaths could occur.

They can. You can't mitigate risk to zero.

I can mitigate risk to zero on shark death

if I never get into the ocean.

Unless you're in a plane

that goes down in the ocean

and you don't die on impact.

Okay, fine. Shark. It's faster.

Alligators drown you before they eat you.

So, there. Shark. Okay?

- You happy?

- Yes.

You wanna come up?

- Is Katherine there?

- Yeah.

- Then, no thank you.

- No, it's fine. Come up. She...

I'm going to break up with her soon anyway.

Really? Already?

- I give it like three weeks.

- Poor Katherine.

She'll be fine. She's got a great

sense of humor.

- You're such an a**hole.

- I know.

- You have a problem.

- I have many.

I blame my parents.

Why are you whispering by the way?

Oh, there's a guy in my bed.

What? Doll, that's great.

No, it's not. He's like eleven.

He's a bartender. What is wrong with me?

Nothing. It's been like years, hasn't it?

- Six months and a week.

- Exactly.

It's not natural.

Doll, you gotta sweep out the cobwebs.

Thank you for that.

From your vagina.

Got it.

- I think you should come up.

- No, it's okay.

I'm just gonna take a pill.

I'll see you tonight, yeah?

All right. Is it all of us?

Yeah, it's the six of us, and Katherine.

Unless you break up with her before then.

- Okay.

- Keep me posted.

- Night, doll.

- Night.

Thank you. Okay.

Yeah, that's fine. Just make it a breakfast.

Can you hold that, please?

- Gotta stop meeting like this.

- Hi, doll.


Did you have to wear those shoes?

- Do you feel inadequate?

- Do you feel enormous?

F*** you.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Well done, doll.

Did you do this through your boss?

Yep. And I only had to blow him

like three times.

And that guy, twice.

- Hello!

- Hi.

- Hi, beauty.

- You look so pretty.

You look gorgeous.

I think we both look terrific.

How are you? Good to see you.

You're all glowy.

- I love touching your face.

- I love it when you do.

Jase, where's Katherine?

Is she meeting you here?


- No!

- Seriously?

I don't know. I don't know.

- Poor Kath.

- What?

I forget, what do they say

about commitment issues?

Is it you hated your mom,

you wanted sex with your mom?

- Come on...

- I think it's hate your mom.

I thought it was that you're afraid

your mom's gonna cut your penis off.



Thank you all very, very much. Thank you.

Can I just point out that

Jule can't get to a second date.

Oh, that's not fair, that is not fair.

I'm trying, I went to the last setup

from this one, brutal...

Wait, your message got cut off.

You didn't like Russell? He's gorgeous.

- He's a criminal.

- Yeah.

- White collar. You can make that work.

- Really?

- Is that what it's come to?

- Come on.

That is not that big of a deal.

- How do you make that work?

- It is a fancy prison.

So, wait, are Ben and Missy late, or...

Oh, no. They're here.

- What...

- They went to the bathroom...

- Twenty minutes ago.

- What?

- To have...

- Yes. I believe so.

- Oh, my God... - To do...

I think that means this, is that...

Do they have sex, like, all the time?

They have sex

way more than anyone we know.

Jase has sex a lot...

I do, but not at that level.

I mean, I've never had sex on a boat

or a piano.

Not yet. Not yet you haven't.

Remember at my dad's funeral?

When they had sex in that...

- Hey!

- Hi!

What's up, guys?

- Hi.

- How's it going?

- Welcome back.

- Thank you.

- Hi. How are you? Good to see you.

- Nice to see you.

Good to have you back.

We ran into a couple of his friends

from work downstairs...

Then we were in line,

a phone call...

In the bathroom?

- Who'd you run into?

- Yeah.

- Our friends, Barbara and Dave.

- Dave and Barbara.

- I don't know them.

- All right.

- So great we're all here.

- Yeah, I know.

Oh, my God.

So nice...

- Guys, can you believe this?

- What?

Hundred bucks a plate,

and they're bringing toddlers?

Are they even allowed in here?

People, it's Manhattan,

we're here to live the dream,

leave the kiddies at home.

We're pregnant.

- Oh, my God, that's amazing!

- Congratulations!

- That is such great news.

- That's so nice.

- That's amazing!

- I know, isn't it?

- Thanks, Ben.

- Sorry, we knew.

They told us before. We knew

and we didn't want to say anything.

- No, no. We just told them.

- We just told them.

- They've been busy.

- That is amazing...

Please disregard what I just said.

- No, no, we hate those people, too...

- We hate them. We hate them...

- We are not those people.

- These are awful people.

- I don't hate them...

- I love those.

We are never going to bring our kids

to a place like this.

Or any fancy place.

Or anywhere.

We are going to keep them at home.

- You can't...

- Yeah, we're gonna be cool.

Les will still be strident and I'm going

to keep drinking a lot, so...

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

- I love you, baby.

- I love you, too.

We're excited.

Serious, you guys,

everything's gonna be the same.

- Nothing's gonna change.

- Of course.

I guess I need six pink and eight blue ones.

- So, 14 total.

- Yeah.

- Wrapped?

- Oh, wrapped would be so great.

If you could do... Oh, thank you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Jennifer Westfeldt

Jennifer Westfeldt (born February 2, 1970) is an American actress and screenwriter known for the 2001 independent film Kissing Jessica Stein, her 2004 Tony nomination for Wonderful Town, and her 2011 film Friends with Kids. more…

All Jennifer Westfeldt scripts | Jennifer Westfeldt Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Friends with Kids" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Friends with Kids


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.