Free Guy Page #3

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Please, just stay down!

(GROANS)

ROBBER:
I said, stay down!

Guy, you don’t do this, man.

GUY:
(PANTING)

This isn’t you. You don’t do this.

GUY:
Maybe I do.

(GRUNTING)

ROBBER:
What is wrong with this…

…stupid mission?

I told you to smoke his ass.

ROBBER:
Let go!

GUY:
I’ll give them right back.

I said… (GROANS)

(GUNSHOT)

(ALL GASP)

MAN:
Guy?

GUY:
He’s just resting.

BUDDY:
In pieces! That man is dead!

GUY:
(WHISPERS) He’s so sleepy. I’m just gonna put your gun down… right here… for when you wake. Okay?

BUDDY:
Guy. Guy! Where you goin’?

GUY:
(GASPING)

GUY:
Excuse me. Do you see this?

Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday.

GUY:
(GROANING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

GUY:
Whoo! Oh! Giddy up! I feel brand new.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(GROANING)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Loser.

(BEEPS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

GUY:
What is happening? (GASPS) So much money.

KEYS:
Hey, Mouser, check this out.

MOUSER:
What’s up, Keys? What am I looking at?

Okay, so this user, he gets his glasses stolen and then killed. The guy was smoked by a non-playable character.

An NPC? That’s impossible.

Yeah, exactly. Nobody can equip an NPC skin on their avatar.

Yeah, so you just boot the trash-ass noob and ban him for life, you’re done.

I tried that, but I… I can’t trace him. Whoever it is, they’re good. (SIGHS)

Hmm. You gotta be better at your job, buddy.

I’m pretty good.

I’ll see you on the inside.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Select your skin.

Hey, Keys, what skin are you going with?

The ushe. Dirty stripper cop, big guns, bigger mustache.

Hmm. Little dirt squirrel. I like it.

Almost scared to ask, but what are you going with?

Uh, full body mustache, hot pink. You should be very afraid.

I’m terrified.

(CHUCKLING) Let’s do this.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)

KEYS:
Seriously, man. I’m just being honest, I think the bunny suit is just a little much.

MOUSER:
Excuse me?

Right. Rabbit. Okay? My fault.

Hey, 40-year-old virgin! Get over here!

KEYS:
Let’s go!

MOUSER:
Uh-huh. Captain Khakis.

Come here. Come on, bud.

KEYS:
Go, let’s go.

Closer.

MOUSER:
There he is. Blue shirt guy.

GUY:
Blue shirt? Yes. Hello, Officer. Rabbit.

MOUSER:
Nice skin.

GUY:
Thank you. That’s sweet.

How’d you get it?

GUY:
Well, uh, mostly genetics, I think. I’m pretty lucky. I have naturally dewy skin.

Listen up, Neutrogena. You know you can’t go around looking like that. The rules are clear. And another thing. You can’t hack the NPC avatars.

MOUSER:
No, sir!

KEYS:
It screws up the mission load…

MOUSER:
Screws it up!

…and it makes the game look bad.

MOUSER:
Horrible!

Yeah. (SPITS)

GUY:
I got, like, 5% of that.

Lose the skin!

GUY:
I… Lose? How am I supposed to get rid of my skin?

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